SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 7th, 2019, 6:14pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2012 One Week Challenge  ›  ExtraTERRORestrial - 10/12 OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    ExtraTERRORestrial - 10/12 OWC  (currently 4405 views)
Don
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 7:46am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13468
Posts Per Day
1.95
ExtraTERRORestrial by Anonymous Becky - Short - As a hurricane rages, an alien bent on revenge must fight two other enemy space travellers, who have chosen an abandoned motel on Earth as their battleground. - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  October 20th, 2012, 7:10pm
Logged
Site Private Message
Don
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 1:27pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13468
Posts Per Day
1.95
The error has been fixed.

Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 44
DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Michigan.USA
Posts
1430
Posts Per Day
0.42
That font on the title page zaps my eyes wife awake. Please, pretty please, 12point courier and don't BOLD TERROR. It gives me a bad feeling before I read. But that said----

Moving on...

Speaking of boldface, I don't mind the Bold header trend so much, but be aware not everyone worships that style. It has some uses, and advantages. I haven't warmed up to it much myself. At least you didn't go Blue.

I got something bold of my own. Here it is:

I wish I wrote this. This is outstanding work.

My favorite of the OWC thus far. No question. Take no prisoners kind of a script. Hits all requirements. Really, really nice. Probably from one of the Soulshadows alum.

Nothing really bad to say here, except that I'm not into characters crying. Even with a name like Pandora.
To be filmed sometime next week, I'm sure...


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM YIM Reply: 2 - 44
crookedowl
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 2:26pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Yeah, should be 12pt Courier on the title page.

This was very good. Easily one of my favorites.

Fix the blank page at the end. Otherwise, I don't really have anything to say about this.

Great job completing the OWC.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 3 - 44
Angry Bear
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
God of the SimplyScriptsVerse



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
6775
Posts Per Day
1.58
Page 1. I really dug this 1st page. Nice visuals. Funny, I had the motel owner in the lobby on the iPad as well. Very funny with the dialogue too. You look exactly like that dude in the Bible.

Page 2. He stares into the dark night… I thought you said it was dusk?

Page 3. A mime-ish face? This must be written by a board member. LOL!

Page 6. You doing very well so far. I was not crazy however, about Pandora's line " how do you know?". Well it is a motel. Why else would someone come in if they were not looking for a room?

Page 8. I did not quite get why Devin punches the wall. Did I miss something?

Why would Devin tosss the picture if he still wanted it? I was also wondering why he did not take the picture with him when he left. Anyway, of the scripts I have read so far, this is my favorite. You managed to have aliens in this script and still keep it low budget and interesting characters as well. Congratulations! Well done!


Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 44
DaveTroop
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 2:35pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
at my desk
Posts
133
Posts Per Day
0.04
Congrats on finishing the OWC!

I agree with Darren.  This script kicks serious butt.

Mostly action if you can believe that.  

The formatting, descriptions, and dialogue are the work of a pro.

This is the best of the first batch of ten.  And IMO will be hard to beat.

Excellent work!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 44
Dreamscale
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 3:08pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11170
Posts Per Day
2.54
Well, well.  Good job.

Slick style, interesting descriptors, reads very well.

Alot going on here, including alot I don't realy follow, but the way it's written makes it seem like more than it probably is, but for a week's time, it's impressive.

There's alot about the storm, but in reality, there really isn't a hurricane that I can see, nor is there a choice between good and evil, really, but maybe I'm just not quite getting everything.

BUT, again, for a week's time, it's heads and shoulders above everythign else so far.

I'm impressed.  Thank you...I needed a good effort after slogging through 8 very poor efforts and 1 decent one.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 44
stevie
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 3:17pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Down Under
Posts
3198
Posts Per Day
0.79
This concept is very similar to the Matthew Reilly novel 'Contest'!

Very well written and visual but no chance of being low budget. And the motel/ hurricane scenario are merely background.

A lot of effort obviously put in - and a different genre look about it - but it doesn't exude much atmosphere pertaining to the challeng requirements

Cheers stevie


Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 44
pale yellow
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 3:18pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Jacksonville FL
Posts
2143
Posts Per Day
0.73
Mime-ish face And we have a mime already!

Everything has already been mentioned above ...not much to complain about.

Extra points for the mime imo ...

GREAT job!


Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 44
greg
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Oh Hi

Location
San Diego, California
Posts
1869
Posts Per Day
0.35
Good story, hit all of the requirements nicely.

Some stuff I'm not sure I completely got because there's a lot packed in here and at times I think even felt overwritten.  Less exposition could help.  Also impressive that this wasn't two-talking heads, which I think most of these scripts are going to be.

Nice job overall.

Greg


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 9 - 44
mcornetto
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 5:23pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I thought this was well-written (if not slightly over-written) cyber-steam-punky sci-fi.  Unfortunately, I don't think it hit the mark on micro-budget and I don't think it would survive a cut down to size.  

Good job though.  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 10 - 44
jwent6688
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 6:45pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Wherever I go, there Jwent.

Posts
1749
Posts Per Day
0.43
This was well written. And it seems as though I am on an island here, but I didn't really like it. The dialogue seemed very comic bookish. Especially Pandora's rhyming chant and the whole destruction of the world thingy.

Why was devin a martyr for his people if he did not die? Where was the super natural events in these characters past?

Good job entering the owc.

James


Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 44
Angry Bear
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 6:53pm Report to Moderator
God of the SimplyScriptsVerse



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
6775
Posts Per Day
1.58

Quoted from mcornetto
I thought this was well-written (if not slightly over-written) cyber-steam-punky sci-fi.  Unfortunately, I don't think it hit the mark on micro-budget and I don't think it would survive a cut down to size.  

What makes it too expensive?  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 44
Mr. Blonde
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 6:55pm Report to Moderator
Moderator


What good are choices if they're all bad?

Location
Nowhere special.
Posts
2596
Posts Per Day
0.68
This was definitely good overall, although there was most certainly some exposition that could go. That said, I'm more than guilty of that so who am I to be complaining?

I kind of got lost at the very end. I mean, I get that they're alien creatures but, seriously, what was up with the last half a page? To be honest, whether I understood it or not, the score isn't likely to improve because I was along for the ride anyway.

One small side note: iPad would be written that way, as it's a proper noun.

B+.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 13 - 44
mcornetto
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 7:06pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from Angry Bear

What makes it too expensive?  


To many specifics in the prop department and things like people on roofs and footsteps that drip water from the ceiling.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 14 - 44
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    October 2012 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Thread Rating
There is currently no rating for this thread
 
Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006