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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2012 One Week Challenge  ›  One of God's Special Children - 10/12 OWC
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  Author    One of God's Special Children - 10/12 OWC  (currently 5074 views)
Don
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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One of God's Special Children by Anonymous Ida - Short - Hurricane Wilma battered the Florida Keys in October, 2005.  On a lonely Key, a young woman must make a decision that could affect the entire world. - pdf, format


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pale yellow
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 7:45pm Report to Moderator
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I loved this one One of my favs. I like the characters. Like the decisions.

GREAT JOB


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greg
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 9:15pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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I liked this.  I got a little mixed up here and there but overall this was a good take on the challenge.  Dialogue, as ridiculous as it was in parts, was I think pretty good for the most part.

The good/evil decision was there and it played out well.  Supernatural stuff, yep.  

Loved getting Rock You Like a Hurricane in there.  I lol'd.

I'm not sure it'll be one of my top choices but it's one of the more complete ones I've read so far.

Nice job.

Greg


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Mr. Blonde
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 9:19pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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This one has positives and negatives. First of all, I'm wondering if anybody out there was offended by Kimmie May's character. I understand some people speak that way but that was a borderline racist portrayal.

Also, I enjoyed several of Lew's lines whereas Michael was the straight man (who, incidentally had a great comeback) but it worked out overall.

There were a few (unintentional) spelling errors in there that spell checker wouldn't pick up but a solid read-through would.

And, the The Beatles song in the beginning almost comically made me think I know who wrote this one... but I've certainly been wrong before.

Anyway, nice and solid.

B.


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danbotha
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 9:29pm Report to Moderator
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Well, I have my favourite so far. I LOVED this. If that dialogue isn't enough to get a mention, I don't know what is.

Worried about the "minimal special effects" bit though. I've never had to do anything with special effects before, but I can't imagine those beads would be very easy to pull off.

Other then that, I really enjoyed this.

Good work!

Dan


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Dreamscale
Posted: October 20th, 2012, 10:46pm Report to Moderator
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I'll say it again, this last batch of scrpits is just heads and shoulders over the earlier ones.

Dialogue is good.  It's also funny, yet serious at times as well.  Tough to pull off.

Seems to be one of only a few that meets all the requirements.

The story is rather simple, but the characters make it unique.  Action-lite, dialogue heavy, but I really liked the shimmering bead visuals, and Lew's dancing fits.

Now, the obvious Beatles plug makes me wonder if it's a red herring or the writer's inability to not include a Beatles reference, but I don't see any Aussie phrasings here, so...who knows.

It's a another good effort.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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stevie
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 12:37am Report to Moderator
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Guys, I haven't put any Beatles stuff in an OWC for over 2 years now!

To quote Kimmie May: mebbe it's time you boys got off da hard stuff - best you stick to the Bud, ok?

This was well written and planned nicely. The dialogue seemed real, though for some reason I didn't like Lew saying 'cocksucker' - felt a bit forced.

The final bit was a bit shaky, like the author was unsure of the ending. I dunno, anyway, a good job here, my fave so far.

Cheers stevie


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LC
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 1:50am Report to Moderator
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Kimmie was quite an entertaining character to begin with and the dialogue was pretty good, plus some of the imagery was quite nice... and almost there, for me. But towards the end this just kinda dragged imo.

Not a bad effort.


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mcornetto
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 3:49am Report to Moderator
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I thought that was fairly well done.  It worked for most of it but then it sort of got too expensive for microbudget (all those water effects).

Also, i'm completely befuddled why people insist on setting their script in the motel office when that is obviously a more difficult ask than a  motel room for a small production company.   Especially when something can easily be set in that single room - like this.

The story here was pretty good - not totally developed but good nonetheless.  The dialogue was also pretty snappy, except a few times when I thought it was borderline on-the-nose.

Overall good work for an OWC.  

  
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jwent6688
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 6:40am Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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This doesn't seem like Stevie to me, am sure the Beatles song is a red herring.

This was way over the top, but pretty fun. I enjoyed Lew. Short for Lucifer? Especially his breaking into dance at any given moment. Kimmie Mays choice between good and evil is evident here. I didn't get any supernatural back story from her, but I liked this on the whole.

Good job entering the owc.

James


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DaveTroop
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 7:06am Report to Moderator
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Congrats on finishing the OWC!

(We should make T-shirts with that phrase, BTW.)

Another really good one.

The writer here has some awesome dialogue and visuals.

Although I don't think Kimmie May's character is racist, it is definately
Jerry Springer-like, but may come off racist on film.

I also agree the special effects may make this too costly.  Not to mention the rights for Yellow Submarine as opposed to Rock You Like a Hurricane which I assume would be much cheaper.

Of course, if you consider the prize here is a professional recording by actors, this would be a worthy winner since it is mostly dialogue.  

Excellent job!  See you in the finals.
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khamanna
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 8:49am Report to Moderator
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Flows very well but feels repetitive.

Good and evil battle for her soul in this one - that makes sence. What doesnt however is the fact that each is simply asking her to go with him. Id think evil is better ask her to do something evil which he doesnt do at all. Overall I felt cheated.

Tap dance and few other instances - disrupted the flow for me.

Good dialog.
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marnieml
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 12:11pm Report to Moderator
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This one really held my interest.  Great characters, setting and expert writing.  Not sure I totally understood the ending but I still really liked it.

My favorite so far.  NICE WORK!!


  
“If someone is trying to bring you down, it just means you are above them."
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grademan
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 2:49pm Report to Moderator
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Motel – yes
Hurricane – yes
Micro budget – no
Characters – maybe - Exaggerated and might be odd
Supernatural – yes
Choice – yes

I liked this. I wasn’t distracted by the dialogue though I did think that Lew was over the top. He may even be memorable. Lew and Michael could both use a lesson in making a sale.
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DV44
Posted: October 21st, 2012, 3:28pm Report to Moderator
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This is my favorite so far. Awesome job! Very cool idea of good versus evil. Kimmie May sounded to me like the Brenda character from all of the Scary Movies, added a bit of humor to the story. Job well done!
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