The Loving Ways by Craig Singleton - Drama, Family Comedy - The story of a couple who are made parents at a young age showing how they try their best to bring up their children. 98 pages - doc, format

Craig,

First off, this needs to be pdf to get read. Most won't open anything if it's not pdf.

Download Celtx, free formatting software. It'll make life easier, and makes pdfs.

Okay, formatting aside, you've got a lot of issues writing-wise.

Always begin your script with "FADE IN:" to the left. And end with "FADE OUT." to the right. (Things like "the end" and "roll credits" are fine-- and they go after fade out.)

You use INT./EXT incorrectly. Write the establishing shot as a separate EXT. scene, then write an INT. scene for inside the house. For the most part, INT./EXT. is used for car scenes when we frequently cut from inside to outside the car. Most of the time, just write separate INT. and EXT. scenes.

Okay, let's look at your opening paragraph:

"Nicki is sat on the floor in front of the couch in the living room. She is in labour. She is breathing heavily and sweating. She is in discomfort. Her mother Joanne is sat at the side of her, holding her hand."

-Don't use "is sat." Instead: "NICKI (18) sits in the floor"

-Your characters aren't introduced properly. Write their name in ALL CAPS the first time we see them on screen. You can also specify their age (don't put age above dialogue, though.)

-So you tell us she's sitting on the couch, then you tell us she's in labor... So how is she sitting up?

-Some passive sentences here. In screenplays, you need to stay active, so "she is breathing heavily" should be "she breathes heavily." "Holding her hand" should be "holds her hand." Basically, try to stay away from verbs ending with "ing."

-"She is in discomfort" is telling, not showing. (Besides, it's pretty obvious she's in discomfort, so that line is redundant.) Remember, only write what appears on the screen. So rather than "she's in pain" try to show us that she's in pain.

"Nicki is panicking. Joanne is trying to keep calm. "

Again, should be "panics" and "tries to keep calm."

I haven't seen you around the boards, so I'll stop here until you make an appearance. I hope my notes help, if you're around to read them.

Read scripts, pro and amateur to see how it's done. Contribute to the boards if you want reads in return. You'll be surprised how quickly you improve.

Will