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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Quarantine Island - optioned Moderators: bert
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  Author    Quarantine Island - optioned  (currently 8147 views)
Don
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 5:31pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Quarantine Island by Dena McKinnon (pale yellow) - Horror - Three student filmmakers disappeared while filming a documentary on the Missing Norway Seven. A month later, their footage was found. 83 pages - pdf, format

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Script removed by request - optioned


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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  April 1st, 2013, 10:02am
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Pale Yellow
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 5:33pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Don
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Lon
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 6:20pm Report to Moderator
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Found footage scripts are an odd animal.  They're difficult to script without making them feel exactly that -- scripted.  The instant it feels like actors reciting lines, the illusion is broken, and the viewer is taken out of the movie.  Your script seems well-written enough, but as I'm reading it, it's very difficult to envision anything in the script feeling natural or not pre-ordained, because the fact that I'm reading scripted dialogue and action tells me it most obviously IS pre-ordained.

This is why most found footage scripts are written more like outlines than actual, traditional screenplays.  And there's typically no dialogue included at all.  The writer will explain what needs to happen in each scene, and it's up to the actors to improvise their dialogue so it sounds natural, unscripted, while still accomplishing what's required of the scene.  

What you have here, though, is a hybrid that doesn't really work; the fact that it's scripted works counter to the fact that it's supposed to feel completely UNscripted.  Know what I mean?  So my advice would be to either do away with the found footage aspect and make this a traditional screenplay, or lose the traditional screenplay aspect and write this found footage piece as an outline which allows for improvisation of dialogue.  I'm sure that's not something you wanted to hear, but it's just my opinion, and I'm sure someone will likely disagree.  

Best of luck at any rate.  Keep writing.

- Lon  

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Lon  -  February 28th, 2013, 6:32pm
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crookedowl
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 6:45pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Lon
So my advice would be to either do away with the found footage aspect and make this a traditional screenplay, or lose the traditional screenplay aspect and write this found footage piece as an outline which allows for improvisation of dialogue.  I'm sure that's not something you wanted to hear, but it's just my opinion, and I'm sure someone will likely disagree.  


This makes sense, but at the same time, I'm not sure how marketable an "outline for improvisation" would be unless you're producing it yourself.

But, in my opinion, it doesn't depend on the format as much as just writing realistic dialogue. Using a proper script won't make it seem scripted as long as you write good dialogue. Just my two cents.


Dena, I'll get a review up soon. I've got a few other scripts lined up already, but I'll find time. I will say, though-- your logline sounds a lot like The Blair Witch Project. I actually haven't seen that movie, so I'm probably not the best judge, but still... "A month later their footage was found". Really?

The time stamp thing in the slugs is interesting, but I'm not sure it belongs. I'm sure it could serve a purpose, but at the same time, I find myself skipping over it. And I doubt anyone will really pay attention to it on screen. Again, I haven't read far, so I'm not sure what the purpose of this is.

83 pages is a little short, IMO. The original Texas Chainsaw was around this length, and I remember feeling a little cheated at the end... like it could have used a few more minutes. I know found footage is different, though, but (again) I haven't read it yet, so we'll see.

Review coming soon.

Will
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dogglebe
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 7:33pm Report to Moderator
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Who's the Norway Seven?  Without this information, the logline falls flat.


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KevinLenihan
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 7:55pm Report to Moderator
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I agree with Crooked. I don't see how one can write an "outline for improvisation" unless they are already working with the director.

Plus, a scripted film is not supposed to 'feel' scripted either. I mean whether it's FF or not, the dialogue should feel real. I would agree that in FF the realism might be more an imperative. That can be achieved with realistic dialogue in the script plus perhaps some improvisation. You still have to write a script though.

Also, I respectfully disagree on the hybrid. In fact, I think consciously creating a hybrid is the way of the future, and has been done in recent FF films. Something is lost and gained with that. You lose a little bit of the realism associated with the "found" footage, but that realism was largely used up on Blair Witch anyway. Audiences are not fooled anymore, so they are just looking for the 'effect' of realism.

What the hybrid gains you is that you can now show things that could not have been shown in pure FF. And that dramatically strengthens the ability to craft a tale.

Lon, please accept that I am not at all arguing with you. Your points are valid and subject to very interesting debate when it comes to found footage.
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Lon
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 9:46pm Report to Moderator
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No worries, Kevin (or anyone else).  We're just discussing here.  I expected to be disagreed with; I do realize my suggestion isn't the usual kind of script feedback, and I can say with complete honesty this is the first time I've ever told anyone their screenplay is too much like a screenplay.   

But reading this script, knowing it's supposed to be a found footage film...it just wasn't working for me.  The dialogue reads like movie dialogue, not natural conversation, that kind of thing.  Yeah, I know, it's a bit of a Catch-22, but all I can offer is my take (even if it is an admittidely odd one).  

Angry Bear, I can only assume that your found footage script was so well written that despite being scripted it managed to maintain the diifficult-to-capture loose feel of an unscripted movie.  Congrats on getting it made, and good luck with the studio.

- Lon
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Pale Yellow
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 10:38pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks everybody...

This was one of my early works. Last year when we did that 7WC I wrote two..and this was one of them. We could either do found footage or low budget thing...and I did one of each...so this is vomit draft.
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Guest
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 10:51pm Report to Moderator
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Dena can you e-mail a PDF to me?
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RegularJohn
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 10:56pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Dena.

The logline interested me so I took a peak.  Read the first few pages and it flew by rather quickly for me.  Great job.

As far as scripted versus unscripted dialogue for a script such as these, I do agree with Lon somewhat in that characters act entirely off of reaction than anything else and while all scripts have conflict and reactions, FF films and stories seem to be nothing but "in the moment" kind of reactions which I feel are very difficult to nail down IMO.  I'm not sure if that's what Lon meant but I think that these particular scripts are a different entity altogether from the film it produces.

Anyway, I'll definitely check this out and come back with whatever notes I can provide.  Best of luck, Dena.

Johnny


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Pale Yellow
Posted: February 28th, 2013, 11:47pm Report to Moderator
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Dreamscale
Posted: March 1st, 2013, 10:07am Report to Moderator
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Yo, Dena Marie. Has this been changed from the draft I read back in the Stoner Age?
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Pale Yellow
Posted: March 1st, 2013, 10:26am Report to Moderator
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Only a lil bit Jeffie
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Dreamscale
Posted: March 1st, 2013, 10:36am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Pale Yellow
Only a lil bit Jeffie


OK, then...

I love it!!!!

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Pale Yellow
Posted: March 1st, 2013, 10:43am Report to Moderator
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Thanks Jeff Appreciate all your help...Between you and Kevin...you guys have really taught me tons. I have a lotta learning left to do ...but I keep writing.
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