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Outreach by Chris Silver - Series, Comedy - After the death of his reverend father, a slacker turned activist attempts to start a volunteer group at his community college with the help of an ambiguously flirtatious rival, a too street-wise jailbird, psychotically joyful mental patient, a dogmatically religious bigoted closeted homophobic homosexual, a clingy chauvinistic wannabe frat guy mama's boy, a bodybuilding truculent nerd/geek, an oddball under the delusion that he's a Martian and his pretentious sophisticatedly crass cousin. 19 pages - pdf, format
Fill out your title page. Nineteen pages is to short for a series. Introduce your characters. Name, and age. I only know Sebastian's age. Who's Kris? What does A.C.C.C stand for? Organize it a little bit more. Tell us when everyone leaves. Tell us who's in a room before anyone starts talking, unless the audience is not supposed to know someone is there.
I like the story, Keep writing.
Chris
Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots.
I'm sorry, Chris, but the writer can't possibly go forward after you're as vague as this. How do you expect them to even know what that means??
Dan
P.S. 19 pages isn't too short for a series. This could be a web-series. Doesn't necessarily have to be a TV series.
I'm sorry Dan, but time doesn't allow me to be more specific, and your comment is not helping the writer whatsoever. Your comment is not vague, it's irrelevant. (On this script).
Chris
P.S. Don't tell me how to do it right, show me how to do it right.
Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots.