Beyond The Thrall by Stoyan Zaimov - Thriller - BEYOND THE THRALL is a spiritual thriller about how personal tragedies can leave us dead to life, regardless of the exotic predicaments and distant lands we find ourselves in. 126 pages - pdf, format

This is based on the first ten pages. I will stop there, until I see that you're around.

First Impressions:
-Logline does not tell us anything about the movie. The logline should be about the main character(s) and what they go through.

Notes:
-Flowing smoothly for the most part. The dialogue is not overly long, and the action is concise.
-‘Omni’ doesn’t sound like a typical Haitian name – I bet he’s significant later on.
-Not sure why you need the part about the beaches being eroded.
-Bit of an awkward transition on p. 4…what is the Spirit referring to when he says ‘Many would agree with you.’?
-Looks like you’re missing a word from the Spirit’s last line on p. 5

Overall, I like the first ten pages. There are some interesting characters, and some intriguing settings offered. I just hope that all the characters and plots are handled well as it goes on.

I do hope you will take part in these discussion boards. I would like to read the rest of the script.