This is based on the first ten pages. I will stop there, until I see that you're around.
First Impressions: -Logline does not tell us anything about the movie. The logline should be about the main character(s) and what they go through.
Notes: -Flowing smoothly for the most part. The dialogue is not overly long, and the action is concise. -‘Omni’ doesn’t sound like a typical Haitian name – I bet he’s significant later on. -Not sure why you need the part about the beaches being eroded. -Bit of an awkward transition on p. 4…what is the Spirit referring to when he says ‘Many would agree with you.’? -Looks like you’re missing a word from the Spirit’s last line on p. 5
Overall, I like the first ten pages. There are some interesting characters, and some intriguing settings offered. I just hope that all the characters and plots are handled well as it goes on.
I do hope you will take part in these discussion boards. I would like to read the rest of the script.
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