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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Cain and Abel My Brothers Keeper Moderators: bert
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  Author    Cain and Abel My Brothers Keeper  (currently 1461 views)
Don
Posted: May 18th, 2013, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Cain and Abel My Brothers Keeper by Cornelius Orr - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Cain is the only hope for all of Mankind, as his brother Abel plan to unleash hell on the earth. Both discovering their Demonic powers. A new battle between good and evil takes place. 97 pages - pdf, format


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DustinBowcot
Posted: May 19th, 2013, 5:38am Report to Moderator
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Scripts like this are going to interest me because they are along a similar subject matter to mine... However yours seems like a Final Fantasy type deal. I'm a little old for that... used to love it as a kid though. The deal with this script is that it is way overly descriptive.

Read a lot of screenplays. It seems here that you've simply written a short story in screenplay format. That's not how it is done. Screenwriting is a different skill entirely. Strip this script right down and you may get more reads.
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dogglebe
Posted: May 19th, 2013, 8:36am Report to Moderator
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I haven't read this but I thought it was interesting that Abel is the evil brother when he wasn't so in the Old Testament.  Was this intentional?


Phil
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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: May 20th, 2013, 8:39am Report to Moderator
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Far too descriptive.  I agree, it’s like you are a novelist trying to write a screenplay and not a screenwriter writing a screenplay.

Also, the title reads weird to me.

I would say read more screenplays on here and you’ll learn how to strip this down.  

Too much going on, too much description.

Good luck!

-- Curt


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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