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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  My Doctor - Won a prize Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: June 28th, 2013, 8:11am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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My Doctor by Mark Renshaw - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy -  A 50th anniversary special episode of Doctor Who starring every incarnation of the Time Lord. An ordinary day finds Mark in a café eating breakfast when in walks Matt Smith dressed as the Doctor. Bemused and starstruck, Mark plays along until Matt insists on a tour of his TARDIS to prove he is the real deal. Realisation soon hits home - This is no ordinary day, Mark is in very real danger and the only person who can save him is a fictional mad man in a box. 40 pages. - pdf, format




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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  July 20th, 2015, 11:32am
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: July 12th, 2013, 2:12pm Report to Moderator
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I realise this is long for a short and didn't know there was a page length restriction, so sorry about that. I also realise if you've never watched Doctor Who you won't have a clue what is going on lol! However I'm pleased to say this script has been featured on a fairly high profile website


http://www.denofgeek.com/tv/doctor-who/26397/doctor-who-50th-anniversary-fan-round-up.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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JamesMcCormick
Posted: July 12th, 2013, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Mark
I am a big Dr Who fan - will give this one a read and get back to you in a few days
Jimbo
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: July 12th, 2013, 3:12pm Report to Moderator
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Cheers Jim!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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the goose
Posted: July 12th, 2013, 3:37pm Report to Moderator
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As you did message me a review I'll look at this.

I like the doctor, what do you reckon of Danny Dyer as the next doctor? haha

You know what I would love to see - a feature length daleks film without Dr. Who, set as just a normal sci-fi film. If you'd like to collab on that let me know!


Actor trying to write...

"A good script is never rejected because of layout or lack of technical jargon. If people like it, then any experienced film or TV PA or secretary can lay it out in professional manner and add all the technical terms necessary"

-- Ronald Wolfe "Writing Comedy"

"We don't make movies for critics, since they don't pay to see them anyhow."

-- Charles Bronson.
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JamesMcCormick
Posted: July 15th, 2013, 6:12am Report to Moderator
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Hi Mark,

I don’t usually like fan fiction and your premise (at first) didn’t really attract me but I needn’t have worried.  By page three you had me hooked. You got the Matt Smith’s doctor down PERFECTLY, the frenetic activity, the dialogue, the eccentricity; it’s all authentic. There are 100% pure Doctor Who lines throughout.

This is a real treat for the fans (and you throw in Hitchhikers and Monty Python as well for good measure), I’d love to see this as an animated short at a SF convention. I was pleased you got Tom Baker (I had to wait till page 29!!!) and the other doctors in eventually. As much as I like Matt Smith (more than David Tennant and much, much more than geezer-bloke Christopher Eccleston) I grew up with the cheap and cheerful earlier versions of Tom Baker and Jon Pertwee (just- who I watched as a toddler).

A concern I had at first was that this was going to be a repetitive series of adventures with all the high profile bad guys.  After the Cybermen I thought we’d get Sontarans, Weeping Angels and so on, ignoring any sense of structure or story arc, but you didn’t thank goodness. Actually at mid point I notice that you have some character growth and self doubt/ questioning which I thought improved the script, as was the very personal reference to Marcus Delinus. I did think though that Mark should have gradually worked out, step by step that he’s in a coma. (By the way, the Doctor says very early on he believes that the protagonist is definitely not in a coma). If he was more active in this regards I feel it would have made this MacGuffin device work much better.

I liked the explanation for the story (a twist on the ‘It was just a dream” cliché) and using the Doctor as a metaphor for his brain repairing itself – I think there could have been more drama here near the end with failed attempts and setbacks as the Doctor tries to work his magic.

In my opinion the last page is unnecessary. I feel the script should have ended with Mark calling for a doctor then all we see is a doctor’s white coated back and an ambiguous look on Mark’s face -  then the end (maybe with Doctor Who music). We don’t need any more metaphysical speeches, everything’s been said. But that’s just my opinion.

Anyway,  great script – regular beats throughout that kept me reading and lots here for the initiated to enjoy (so glad you got the famous William Hartnell lines in there)


Finally, the polish on this script is evident and hardly a typo in sight but I did notice one or two things:
- Page 4, space between name and dialogue (The Doctor – do you get it?)
- Page 7 (lade a trap) isn’t it “laid”?
- On page 7 and 8 you repeat the being in a coma bit?
“I must be in a coma. Something must have happened to me.” P. 7
There’s something wrong with me, I must be in a coma. P. 8

- Why do you call William Hartnell, William Hartnell and not William Hartnell Doctor? Is it because he’s the first one, or is it an oversight?

All the best

Jimbo
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: July 16th, 2013, 8:17am Report to Moderator
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Hi Jimbo, many thanks for your feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks for spotting my typos, no matter how many times I read through I can never catch them all.

It was a mistake calling him just William Hartnell but I like your explanation better


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Don
Posted: July 20th, 2015, 11:34am Report to Moderator
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My Doctor by Mark Renshaw won a fan fiction prize in the Wildsound Film Festival over in Toronto, Canada. The prize was a table read, which they’ve recorded and posted on their website.




Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: July 20th, 2015, 11:37am Report to Moderator
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Congrats.
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Dustin
Posted: July 20th, 2015, 1:00pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Nice one, mate.


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TonyDionisio
Posted: July 20th, 2015, 1:29pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Good job,

Congratulations
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StevenClark
Posted: July 20th, 2015, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats on this, Mark. Very cool!

Steve


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