SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 8:33am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  No Reservations Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 4 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    No Reservations  (currently 3007 views)
Don
Posted: July 2nd, 2013, 10:49pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
No Reservations by Max J Gabriel - Series - A talented chef has to choose between love or his dream. 28 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
bert  -  July 27th, 2013, 2:40pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
DV44
Posted: July 3rd, 2013, 11:57am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
California
Posts
510
Posts Per Day
0.12
Hey Max,

Your logline says 6 pages but it's really 28 when I opened it up.

A few things I notice right off the bat is you need FADE IN to start the script. Also you need to CAP your characters when you first introduce them. JARED HASTING, SECRETARY and the MAN. Also it would be great to have an age associated with each of them as well.

I'm not able to read the story right now but I'll try to get to it when I have the time.

Hope this helps -

- Dirk
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 6
Jutt
Posted: July 14th, 2013, 8:33pm Report to Moderator
New


I write mostly obscure comedies. Critism welcome!

Location
Canada
Posts
3
Posts Per Day
0.00
lol - You can ignore that last guy. "I'm not able to read it, but it needs work" was basically his comment.

Introducing your characters with ALL CAPS is optional and forgetting the FADE IN isn't a big deal.

Not finished reading this (had to comment), but I'm really liking it so far, especially the dialogue.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 6
danbotha
Posted: July 14th, 2013, 10:54pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wellington, New Zealand
Posts
700
Posts Per Day
0.16

Quoted from Jutt
lol - You can ignore that last guy. "I'm not able to read it, but it needs work" was basically his comment.

Introducing your characters with ALL CAPS is optional and forgetting the FADE IN isn't a big deal.

Not finished reading this (had to comment), but I'm really liking it so far, especially the dialogue.



Perhaps you should avoid criticizing other reviews. There wasn't anything questionable in Dirk's review. It's up to him whether he wants to read the entire thing or not.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 6
Jutt
Posted: July 14th, 2013, 11:35pm Report to Moderator
New


I write mostly obscure comedies. Critism welcome!

Location
Canada
Posts
3
Posts Per Day
0.00
It says he didn't read it. I don't know, I thought it was funny, but whatever.

Anyway, I liked No Reservations. For some reason I relate it to dry Canadian humour. Only thing I'd change is the name of the restaurant. American Broadcasting Channel might have an issue with it, but I don't know copyright laws when it comes to initialisms. No Reservations is also the name of a movie and TV show if that matters.

Good stuff though.

Revision History (1 edits)
Jutt  -  July 15th, 2013, 12:00am
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 6
Beckett
Posted: July 18th, 2013, 12:24pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00
Hey max

I liked this script.

I assume it ends on page 28? Not a bad place to end it but maybe just put in a fade out. I wasn’t sure if there was more and I just didn’t get it or something.

I liked the characters and how they were developed. Jared is easily likable and so are the other characters. Im curious to know why anna (the rich girl) didn’t feature later on in the script? It seemed like it would suit the story if she and renee were the same character. That’s just my opinion. I thought her character was set up at the start then just disappeared.

Overall I liked it and would like to read more.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 6
SilvaSly104
Posted: July 27th, 2013, 2:30pm Report to Moderator
New


Life is Art

Location
Vancouver, BC
Posts
60
Posts Per Day
0.01
Hi Max

Interesting read. Very great plot. I was captivated from start to finish, and I forgave the fact that I was lured into reading a 28 page script when the logline stated it was 6 pages. But no matter, the script was an incredibly decent read. Very like-able characters...nothing in your script was cliche to other scripts that I read. Felt very original and on point. Your dialogue flowed very well. You could have almost turned this into a dark comedy if you were to put your mind to it...but the level of humor it had was just the perfect touch.

I would advise though that you go through your script again to revise some punctuations and tightening your descriptions here and there. Some of the stuff I read felt a little bit rushed, but with some easy fixin', should be right as rain.

Nonetheless, great script Max. Would have loved to see this on the big screen. Keep it up

-Silva Sly-
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 6
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Series  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006