The Guilt Trip by Jeriel Teo - Short, Comedy - Why bother working hard at designing an all new customer experience, when you can simply guilt your customer into buying it for you! Ask not what you can do for your customer, but what your customer should be doing for you (the jerks). 4 pages - pdf, format

Ok, Jeriel, I'm sorry to say it but this really needs some work. Honestly, I didn't get past the first 2 paragraphs.

First off, formatting is totally wrong. The slugs are wrong, there's no title page etc. etc. You need to read up on the correct formatting of screenplays and try some free screenwriting software like Celtx or Trelby.

Secondly, there's camera directions everywhere. Unless you're shooting this yourself, take them out. Camera directions are the choices of the director and the producers.

Skimming through, I can see that you've got CUT TO: everywhere. Although transitions can be sometimes written into a script, editing is usually down to the director. So, as I said, if you're not shooting this yourself, take them out.

As for the title, it's already been used. It had Seth Rogen and Barbara Streissand in it I think - it was quite recent.

Can't comment on the story or the writing because, as previously mentioned, I didn't make it past 2 paragraphs.

Hope this helps.  

Jeriel-

The logline is quirky, so thought I'd take a look.

The format is a tear down, so I doubt you'll get many reads of the full script. That being said, I tried to give it a shot and read a few pages.

Ok, comedy isn't easy. There are many rules to the genre. First and foremost, it has to be funny. Dude, as a general rule, killing a defenseless woman is not funny. For future reference, the rule also applies to puppies and children (men not so much).

Good luck and keep writing.

-Bogey