The Pendulum Project by Luke Fullenkamp - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Due to a saboteur’s intervention, a man travels through time to Nazi Germany where he falls in love with a beautiful woman. Can he be rescued from the past? It’s mystery, intrigue and romance. A great time travel adventure. 128 pages - doc, format

Hi, Luke.

Sorry to say, but the formatting is way off. The thing that especially caught my eye are the slugs. They are just totally incorrect. Too long, too descriptive, or just done in completely the wrong way.

'INT: A SEASIDE HOME LIVING ROOM OVER LOOKING THE OCEAN.     NIGHT
THE YEAR 2004'

This should be...

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Don't tell us the home is overlooking the ocean in the slug, that's for the action lines. If you want you could do SEASIDE HOME/LIVING ROOM, but that's just the way I'd do it.

If the fact that it's in year 2004 is important enough, then superimpose it...

SUPER: 2004


Another one I noticed was this...

'INT:  BACK IN THE CONTROL BUILDING'

You don't need to say 'back in', just say 'control building'. Anyhow, you've still not specified the time of day and it's layout is incorrect. Should be...

INT. CONTROL BUILDING - DAY/NIGHT


The slug issue really turned me off this script. I flicked down the pages hoping it would improve. Needless to say, it didn't.

Glancing down the rest of the pages, I seem to notice that you're using a lot of parentheses. I'm not sure how every other screenwriter goes about the use of parentheses, but I tend to use them very sparingly, if at all. This is 'cause, most of the stuff you've put, such as head shaking and whatnot, is the director's choice. If you're mentioning all these actions that the characters are doing, where does the director come in? Unless you plan on directing this yourself, just take them out altogether, unless they are really, really, really, really important.

If producers or filmmakers see a script that's as disorganised as this one, they'll just bin it right away. First, I'd suggest you master the formatting of a script. They are free programs like Celtx and Trelby that basically do it for you. Once you've done that, I'd suggest reading through other scripts, both professional and unproduced to highlight how your writing is struggling.

Hope this helps.

Lee

Well Luke, you seem to have some novels behind you, but scripting's a different animal altogether. Some serious work's needed on this before you get even close.

I'd also format this in celtex. It's a free program. I hate reading scripts in word documents.