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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Sign with Extortion Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: January 26th, 2014, 4:15pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Sign with Extortion by Emanuel Farhi - Short, Crime, Drama - A talent agent is denied the signing of one of his clients by a big time record company. Things go awry when blackmail is involved. 41 Pages. 42 pages - pdf, format


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DustinBowcot
Posted: January 28th, 2014, 9:39am Report to Moderator
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I was with you till here on page 4. Well, I was finding things a little boring but I was trying to look past it.... then I got to here:

Code

Steve starts to crack up HARD. He falls to the floor,
laughing from the cocaine he just took.



You've clearly never taken cocaine.

I suspect that much like your last script that this one will likewise follow a path oblivious to realism.

I would say that this one would be harder to film... but in my honest opinion you should trawl through some of the scripts listed here at the site and make one of those. Your own writing still has a way to go.

Best to write what you know.
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Wes
Posted: April 28th, 2014, 10:14pm Report to Moderator
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Please educate me here. Is it a little early for scene numbers? Should those be present in a spec script that hasn't yet been optioned? When should scene numbers start to show up?

I have to agree about the cocaine. Not to give myself away but I've never seen anyone snort coke off of a wood surface. Maybe glass mirror? A small sheet of glass?

Further, I'm a big fan of what we see. Not what it is. So, "A pile of white, powdery cocaine lays on top . . ." becomes "lines of white powder". We'll get what it is when the dollar bill meets the powder.




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