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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Christmas Truce Moderators: bert
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  Author    Christmas Truce  (currently 1562 views)
Don
Posted: February 21st, 2014, 9:21pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Christmas Truce by Alexander Brauck (PrussianMosby) - Short, War - Enemies revolt against reality by calling a timeout during the trench warfare in WW1. - pdf, format


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SAC
Posted: February 22nd, 2014, 5:43am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Alexander,

I don't have much time, but I wanted to say kudos to you for writing about such a, shall we say, magical happening. It's a bold subject to tackle.

Your script needs work, it's overwritten and reads in an overly prose style. Not that that took me out of the read on this one. I was transfixed by the story, which I'd only heard about in passing, but never really read about.

I'd recommend to anyone who opens this to also open a search on this subject and read a little. In light of the sheer carnage of the battles in those trenches, and the desolate expanse known as "no man's land," this is a fascinating occurrence, and quite a commentary on the human spirit.

Otherwise, your writing could have been a bit more sparse, and you can definitely cut down in some of your action blocks.

Otherwise...thank you. Read about this, folks.

Steve


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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 22nd, 2014, 2:11pm Report to Moderator
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Not so much a story as a moment in history. I do already know about this and indeed there were many other occurrences of this nature. For some reason the christmas one stands out the most.

It go so bad at one point, with the allied and german soldiers meeting up and refusing to fight that the allied powers decided to launch gas attacks. It did the trick. Once we launched gas attacks the germans were not so inclined to be friendly towards us. They then retaliated with their own gas attacks... and the hatred began. Normal men and women don't want to fight... we have to be tricked into it.

Have you tried writing for German cinema?
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Mattlj25
Posted: February 23rd, 2014, 12:37am Report to Moderator
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Very interesting story. You and I have the same issue of overwriting, but I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
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PrussianMosby
Posted: February 23rd, 2014, 1:59pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Don.


Thank you readers for taking a look on the script.

@Matt
I was knowing I've overwritten this one by doing so. Glad you nevertheless enjoyed.


@Steven
That are the nicest words I heard on any of my scripts until yet. Thanks. It means a lot to me!

I don't think about a rewrite. I actually was overwhelmed and even had to cry during the process. It was just flowing out. So, what's the worth of censoring, in opposite to sharing the experience that I couldn't write it sparser? It would be fake. I won't do it for changing some words. Words couldn't describe these events anyway.
Yes, those soldiers were like living dead.

I agree with your recommendation to research.

If people would make that experience I made, also on their own, they won't believe it at first. Some of the things those soldiers communicated feel so irrational. It goes under the skin.

I same, just heard as kid that Germans did something with trees and their opponents, too. I wasn't sure about the whole affairs of great moments beside those enemies.
Thank you so much.

@Dustin

You're so right. For me, the story felt too big for stylize any individuality into it from the start of research. It was written in 1914 by those men. I tried to document without weighting up.

Coming to the end of my comment with a thing concerning my script, I have to say that I made a fault:

I had to include the advice into the script that there were more than 100.000 taking part of the Christmas truce. Some people guess that even this number is too small: It could have been hundreds of thousands. From the North Sea down to Switzerland.

People who don't know about yet or don't research
might see it as a singular event which definitely wasn't so. That's a meaningful point I missed.






Revision History (1 edits)
PrussianMosby  -  February 24th, 2014, 3:48am
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 23rd, 2014, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
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Must have been the Christmas one that broke the proverbial camel's back. It happened all the time... there'd be ceasefires and they'd shout over to each other if it was OK to collect the dead etc. Inevitably they'd meet in the middle, maybe ask for a smoke, a name... once you get to know someone it's a lot harder to fight them.

I think with this that you need more story. Concentrate on one or two, a soldier from each side... they get to know each other, then one kills the other at the end. I believe the story needs some individuality.
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PrussianMosby
Posted: February 23rd, 2014, 2:55pm Report to Moderator
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I guess, I have too much respect for this history. The script has the only goal to remember the dead and their fate. Avoiding to forget their existence and the few possible decisions they had and how they decided to BE and what to make out of it.

Also, I think, you know a lot about history, far more than the average knowledge of people. Maybe for them who are not informed as much as you are, things work different, individual as it is here.

I'm afraid of what Tarantino would do out of it. He would give it a mask and over picture it with stupid violence in focus... And it would end up with untrue characters which have nothing to do with those honorable men at the front.
and the masses will scream...
That's the way history is written by us. I'm through with this one.



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Last Fountain
Posted: February 25th, 2014, 12:48am Report to Moderator
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Alex, I'm really glad you tackled this important moment in history. It's refreshing to have such an emotional and impactful view on war. I'm happy to read this story from a german point of view.

I read the other comments and I agree with adding more story. This could be a feature. I would love to see a movie on this. You could even add actual letters. Taking the time to make it hit home even more. And you could respect the lives with their own words.

I really liked the visuals. From the higher concept camera angles, like the scope shot. To the simple powerful images like the Christmas trees lit up on a battlefield.  

You didn't go over the top either. Not in the melodrama territory.  For me it was well balanced.  The right amount of sentiment.  

I thought the amount of description in the action lines was appropriate. It wasn't too much for me. I like the details.  

Overall I think this was good. It left me wanting more. The brief scenes you have easily tug on the heart strings because of the historical context. Imagine how much more it would impact as a feature, where we'd get to know these characters. Then you could also address the ultimate dilemma of how did they possibly continue with war. It makes you think how the only way soldiers CAN kill is if the enemy is unknown or villified. You could really explore these elements in a feature. And with respect.

Good job. I want to see this.


SLIP/THROUGH - scifi noir (feature)
HOLY 3D CHRISTMAS! - fantasy (shorf)

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PrussianMosby
Posted: March 3rd, 2014, 3:32pm Report to Moderator
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Hey DAN,

thanks for the review.

CT isn't designed for/from the German point of view, even if their parts might feel bigger here. That hasn't much of a meaning within the whole scenario. It's more a practical choice. Yes, it starts at their trench; I took this opportunity to act safer with the subtitled dialogue. I hoped, it helps the authenticity when I hide my current bad English dialogues behind the foreign characters subtitles.

I'm glad that you seem to enjoy my script. Probably there will be a time when I will go further with the theme. At the moment it feels like I have to lock this script in the drawer for a while and wait how it will develop. I would like to make something special out of it in another time. I mean a different kind of telling, in a documentary way with tension which comes from a distanced approach and a studying position inside the theme. I see the most power in a chronicle forward going documentary, maybe about 70 min, like it is here in the form of a short. I don't want to send the script in the mainstream plotting area. You know what I mean?
I heard about a film about the whole theme, in which a famous opera singer was send to the front to entertain the soldiers. Such kind of artificial raised tension, adding love interest stuff and all that, isn't needed here. The theme is strong on its own… I don't know…
When I see how the business executed an event like Pearl Harbor by adding a love triangle situation, it feels to me like they shitted on the tension, atmosphere and meaning of the event itself which already abundantly deliver the complete chaos, feelings, truth and all that.

I want to let the script act out of the true meaning and the fascination for the "impossible". So, the protagonist should be the event itself. A possibility would be to show up ten true characters and their stories how they came in the situation and finally met… I'll answer your mail soon…


Glad to know you, thank you, Daniel.


A link for interested peops to read about the event. http://www.christmastruce.co.uk/





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DustinBowcot
Posted: March 5th, 2014, 2:54am Report to Moderator
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Yes you wrote the German parts much better, you're far more comfortable there. It is noticeable, but then you are German, which is why I asked if you'd tried writing for German film. Do German films often get worldwide distribution? I've seen plenty of French films but can't remember ever seeing a German one.

Mesrine does well all over the world.

In regards to romance in scripts, I believe that is there for the female audience.
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