A Kiss From A Rose by Bryan Ugochukwu - Drama - A simple housewife runs away from home and takes a trip to Paris where she runs into an old friend with a dark past. 106 pages - pdf, format

What do you mean by simple? A simple housewife implies somebody that isn't very intelligent. OK, you hooked me, so now I just have to see if that is actually what you meant or if English is your second language and you're simply confused.

Code SUPER: "It is time you wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

I see that it is the latter.

BUT... I hear a writer's voice in here. Once I get past the bad grammar... your action lines are not that bad, and so far, neither is your dialogue.... but then I'm only at the beginning. I need to skip through more and see what your dialogue is like later down the line. I can't believe that your action lines contain bad English, but your dialogue not. At the moment it's kinda French anyway...

Code JASMINE WINTSON(30s) is the typical american housewife. Sweet, innocent, and can be credulous at times.

Can tell you're a foreigner. Credulous isn't very polite... and also something that we can't possibly know about her character until you show us. Calling the typical American housewife sweet and innocent is also way off the mark. So from the description, I'm guessing that in your logline, you do actually mean this woman is stupid.

Code Her spell broken. She gathers herself gets up and leaves the ring on the seat.

It works... but is too contrived. Try to think of another way of doing this.

Code CARL HAGGINS(60s), an intelligent history professor with the love of Paris culture, sits right next to her reading a culture book on Paris.

Why tell us something that you also show us? No need for the tell... only the show.

I've had a little look.. and for your second language this is very good. In terms of voice this is better than some writer's where English is their first language. There are a lot of grammatical errors in your action lines, but it is fairly easy to see past those and understand what you mean.

Your dialogue comes across as realistic... I read around ten pages, and there's a definite writer's voice at work here. In a couple more years I imagine your craft will have improved to a stage where nobody could tell you are writing in a second language. Good luck.

Actually i was born and raised in Texas but i do appreciate the honest advice. in school i made horrible grades in grammar (more of a math guy) but i do have a lot of work to do. thanks good looking out

Ugo