Frank by Tom Levesque - Short - A lonely man's isolation is interrupted when he is given the task to take a dying relative across town.  15 pages - pdf, format

Tom,

Some suggestions:
Pg. 1-Describe Henry a little better, you must show he is divorced and exiled. Show don't tell.
Make the writing more succinct. A little too many descriptions. (as though someone has moved hurriedly and forgotten the basics) this could be eliminated IMO, and (Uncle leans against the doorway, as though he had been waiting for a long time impatiently can be simply Uncle leans impatiently against the doorway). These are a couple examples of making it more succinct for a better flow. But you have a distinct voice, and a good writing style. I really do like this story. Some good dialogue and the plot picked up quick. Good story just tighten it up and let it read less like a story and more like a movie. Nice job.

Hi Tom,

I like the mystery of the whole script, especially with Frank and how we don't really know why he is being sent to this place.

Just a query though.
Henry is reluctant to help Frank at first as he doesn't know him. But then later, Henry is rushing him out the building to save him from his cousin. There is no sympathy or love towards Frank shown by Henry in this, so why would he help him? Maybe you could include something in the script that would show this change of heart?

But still a good read,  

All the best

Lee