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In Wade We Trust by Jason Mickey - Short, Comic Book, Dark Com - Shortly after the events of "Captain America: The Winter Soldier", a scarred man presumed to be dead receives a classified mission. 5 pages. - pdf, format
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1) Title - what's the One-Shot element for? 2) Assume this is a writing exercise (unless you have Marvel's permission of course) 3) I'd leave furniture out of your sluglines, it implies the shot is close in on the couch 4) Don't think horrifically burned needs the caps. 5) Anchorman should be caps the first time he;s mentioned in an action line. 6) Watch out for typos, e.g. displaing - spell checking just makes the script look more professional. 7) Try write in the active voice, e.g. sticking his head in the the refrigerator, would be better as sticks his head... Careful with repetition of words, e.g. quickly in two consecutive action lines. 9) The references to Sony etc are funny BUT they brought me out of the script as they identify the fiction of it all... unless this is intended as a parody I'd leave them out. 10) Deadpool's end dialogue sequence is A LOT of dialogue at once!
BUT, I'd want to see where the character goes - you caught my attention.
9) The references to Sony etc are funny BUT they brought me out of the script as they identify the fiction of it all... unless this is intended as a parody I'd leave them out."
Actually this part of the script was perfectly in line with the Marvel Comics character Deadpool, who is famously known for being extremely self aware (he knows he's a character in a Marvel comic book) and frequently breaks the fourth wall and speaks to the audience directly.
That said, I would run through the script again for grammar and spelling errors (e.g. "you were saying" instead of "you where saying").
He takes the file and opens it. Inside, it reveals prototype machinery based from Chitauri technology. From this they have developed shape-shifting tech, cloning tech, and heavy weaponry.
I think the above action description would be better explained in dialogue by Agent Preston than in an action block.
Other than that, I enjoyed the script (I'm a comic book fan, so there's a little bias there) but this would be a great One-Shot for the Captain America DVD/Bluray release. Keep it up!
Actually this part of the script was perfectly in line with the Marvel Comics character Deadpool, who is famously known for being extremely self aware (he knows he's a character in a Marvel comic book) and frequently breaks the fourth wall and speaks to the audience directly.
That said, I would run through the script again for grammar and spelling errors (e.g. "you were saying" instead of "you where saying").
He takes the file and opens it. Inside, it reveals prototype machinery based from Chitauri technology. From this they have developed shape-shifting tech, cloning tech, and heavy weaponry.
I think the above action description would be better explained in dialogue by Agent Preston than in an action block.
Other than that, I enjoyed the script (I'm a comic book fan, so there's a little bias there) but this would be a great One-Shot for the Captain America DVD/Bluray release. Keep it up!
Glad you liked it. and yes I thought about the Chitauri part after the work was posted. I really enjoy DEADPOOL comic books, so I took some of my favorite stuff from them and put in the script, like Preston, 'The Walking Dead' reference was meant for Tony Moore as his art on DP is my favorite, and the shape-shifting tech was for the "Secret Invasion" arc by Daniel Way because I saw some of a secret invasion in Winter Soldier. I also ejoyed playing with the idea of him knowing Punisher and Crossbones, especially with Crossbones in the new Cap film. And so glad you liked the SONY reference.
I also ejoyed playing with the idea of him knowing Punisher and Crossbones, especially with Crossbones in the new Cap film.
That was actually a cool reference, and set my imagination running. Would love to see a Deadpool/Wolverine/Punisher/Crossbones strike team story, maybe a flashback prequel to this script? Something to mull over.
That was actually a cool reference, and set my imagination running. Would love to see a Deadpool/Wolverine/Punisher/Crossbones strike team story, maybe a flashback prequel to this script? Something to mull over.
Yes, well, I am writing a full-length script to the One-Shot. Right now I'm writing a Child's Play reboot and an "Agent Venom" script. So I'm waiting for a good story to develop in my head for DP.
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In Wade We Trust
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