Tweets from the Dead - Pilot - Now It Begins by Jimmy Smith - Series - People all over the world start getting tweets from people who have died. 23 pages - pdf, format

Hey, Jimmy. Took a look at the first ten pages of your script. Just a few quick thoughts:

1. Your title and log line is very intriguing. You have a lot you can do with this, but you have quite a few spelling and grammar issues. This makes a read a bit frustrating and can take a reader out of the flow. It sounds petty but it is so important to try and nail all the basics the best you can.

2. When introducing your characters, you might consider giving a bit more description - especially characters that will end up playing larger roles throughout the whole arc of your story. One thing that threw me off was when you introduced characters using M30 or F60. When I first saw it I had no clue what it meant - and I don't think I've seen character introductions like that before.

3. Like I said the idea is so neat - but (IMO) your main character is just way to unlikable and a bit all over the place. I just didn't believe the things she was saying to her mother before going to work. She just seems way to nasty. I realize she probably changes at the end but it's to hard to believe someone is that mean. Maybe try to make her selfish without some of the real mean dialogue.  I do really like the fact that she is a news anchor and at the fore-front of all the goings on. And just confused about the flashback. It seemed unclear when or if it ended.

All in all, Great idea. Would like to read some rewrites. That's what it's all about. Hope this was somewhat helpful. From one series writer/Jimi to another, good luck.

-Jimi Lamp