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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Potato Man Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: June 25th, 2014, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Potato Man by Del Cook - Comedy - Potato Man is a chef who doles out exquisite cuisine and expert advice on romance in equal proportions-- but his greatest challenge may be helping his no-game nephew find love. 99 pages - pdf, format


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c m hall
Posted: June 26th, 2014, 11:46am Report to Moderator
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Very funny script, I think, this could be a very entertaining film.
  
The format of the script, especially the opening pages, is a little too loose (some characters are not presented in bold face text) and that is unnecessarily distracting from the increasingly complex story.  Regarding the plot, the words  "zany" and "merry romp" come to mind.  

To my mind, the characters, the plot and especially the dialogue all succeed as comedy, and all are elevated by the wonderful creation that is the Potato Man, himself.  

A few useless notes; on page 18 POTATOMAN should be POTATO MAN
                                   page 19 "Well.. I still have three semesters to go before I finish up my drama major"  seems to not fit exactly into the conversation, as if some lines might have been lost in an edit.
                                   page 23 "... it just mad them more mad" (made them more mad)
                                   page 35 "... he's been her the longest"     (he's been here the longest)


And to my mind the scenes with Daryl being trained on the job, although very funny, seem to belong to another story -- I think it's just that I missed the Potato Man since he wasn't there for too many pages.
But the various characters that Daryl encounters are wonderful, and the dialogue (Anthony, Andy) and physical comedy (Flavell) are terrific.
All in all this is going to be a delightful movie.  
Congratulations!

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c m hall  -  June 26th, 2014, 1:27pm
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