Hey Jared.
A few things that distracted me.
- the cliche "good cop bad cop routine". Seriously, this has been done to death and has reached good enough to spoof status.
- there are no indicators of day or night in your slug lines. The interrogation room is fine as there is usually no windows, but everywhere else? You'll need em.
- passive language. A lot of -ing's in your action lines.
- direction in the script, BLATANT direction. You have a scene where you mention the audience...this is a negative for you: the writer. Direction is for the director and dop.
I stopped when I saw that you mentioned the audience in your script. Will finish later. |