SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 6:47am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Justice League's Final Frontier Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 19 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Justice League's Final Frontier  (currently 1184 views)
Don
Posted: July 5th, 2014, 8:24am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Justice League Of America's Final Frontier by Curtis J Lofgren - Short, Comedy - Superman gathers his cronies together to talk about the pressing issues of the day. 11 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  November 11th, 2015, 8:46pm
revised draft
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
TonyDionisio
Posted: July 5th, 2014, 1:01pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Damnit, get to the point!

Location
Tennessee
Posts
768
Posts Per Day
0.20
Curtis,
This is a politically incorrect car wreck. Not sure what you hoped to accomplish here except maybe practice. I kinda wish I  had a super power psychic ability to avoid reading it :p

Tony.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
13thChamber
Posted: July 5th, 2014, 3:58pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
88
Posts Per Day
0.02
Yeah, this didn't seem to have much in terms of story and it's a "lets take known superheroes and have them act as if they're on a reality tv show set". Honestly, this didn't do much for me, and as with the previous poster, this seems like practice, or a very rough draft.


13th
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
JonP
Posted: February 15th, 2015, 10:49am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Bangkok, Thailand
Posts
23
Posts Per Day
0.01
Curtis,

I managed to read the whole thing, which I'm sorry to say became a chore, even at just 11 pages.  I really wanted to like this as I have fond memories of Superfriends from childhood and wanted to relive it with a bit of tongue in cheek.  Let's ignore all the mechanics mistakes you made with descriptions that wouldn't translate to the screen because there's really no point in fixing them.

Where's the story here???  It's just a desperate attempt at a string of laugh lines.  I don't care how short your story is, there has to be a beginning, middle and end.  It would be nice if there was some kind of character arc, and if not, show some consequences of the characters not arcing.  What was the point of this story except to make fun of the characters?

You did manage to have something of a theme (they're mostly gay).  Check.  But come on, that's a little tired.

I think the best thing for you to do rather than to rewrite this thing, which would be a waste of time, is to read some books on screenwriting and then start fresh with a completely new idea.  I was warned that almost everyone's first screenplay is garbage (mine was).  So congratulations, you got that out of the way.

Syd Field's Screenplay is a classic and a good place to start.  It will give you a foundation for how to write a screenplay.  I recently read Invisible Ink and The Hidden Tools of Comedy and loved both.

I'm sorry I can't be more positive here, but you are in need of a little tough love.  If anyone coddles you with this thing, they're doing you a disservice.  Read some books and you'll get better.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006