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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  The Throne of Loss Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Throne of Loss  (currently 1732 views)
Don
Posted: July 20th, 2014, 11:11am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Throne of Loss by Luis Garza - Drama, Fantasy - The story revolves around Anastasia Hastings, a troubled 8 year old who ends up in Rosemary's Orphanage after numerous inconveniences. Diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, Anastasia has little to live for. Her fascination with fairy tales is the only escape from reality, but little does she now; her own fairy tale awaits her. 114 pages - docx, format


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LuisAnthony
Posted: July 21st, 2014, 12:11pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you Don.
A little background on the script.

This is my first non-horror film that I've been working on since I last posted the supernatural thriller "The Startling".

As my first non-horror screenplay i would really love to hear your thoughts on this.

Regards

Revision History (1 edits)
LuisAnthony  -  July 21st, 2014, 2:50pm
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DustinBowcot
Posted: July 22nd, 2014, 1:29am Report to Moderator
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Logline is terrible and it's in .doc format. I can open those types of files using libre office, but it doesn't look good to read.

Despite that, I took a look at some of the wording used and it doesn't look written to a good standard, things like too many 'ands' in one sentence and just general choppy writing. Looks like it could be a vomit draft.
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LuisAnthony
Posted: July 22nd, 2014, 2:44am Report to Moderator
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Well. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it.

As for your comment, I felt like it was more like a jab to the face rather than constructive criticism; but everyone has their own ways right?

Now, since the doc files seem to be a very big problem here, do you have any idea on how to convert my documents into PDF to post then here?

Regards,
Luis
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rendevous
Posted: July 22nd, 2014, 2:54am Report to Moderator
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Away

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Luis,

Thick skins help. Although I thought Dustin's comments were rather mild compared to some I've seen of late.

Some around here are far rougher.

http://www.wikihow.com/Convert-a-Microsoft-Word-Document-to-PDF-Format

There's lots of software and the like, have a search online.

Good luck, and all that.

R


Out Of Character - updated


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The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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DustinBowcot
Posted: July 22nd, 2014, 8:20am Report to Moderator
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Could be worse.... I could always lie to you.
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Dreamscale
Posted: July 22nd, 2014, 10:57am Report to Moderator
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Luis, I don't like agreeing with Dustin, but he is 100% correct here.

You have typos and poorly worded sentences in your logline.  Posting in anything other than a PDF is an instant red flag for all.

Believe it or not, sometimes...actually most times, harsh reviews can be your best friend and the most helpful feedback you'll ever get.  It does take a thick skin to get through them, but if you take them at face value, you'll quickly see the error of your ways.

Get a PDF posted and, if nothing else, you'll get some peeps who will attempt to read your ascript an give you some pointers.

Best of luck.
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LuisAnthony
Posted: July 22nd, 2014, 11:58am Report to Moderator
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Thank you everyone, and thank you rendevous for the link.

I'll try to post the next after the next script in PDF since I already entered another one.
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