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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Dogs Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: August 10th, 2014, 2:29pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dogs by Julian Austen - Thriller - A burned-out CIA agent tries to bond with his estranged, teenage daughter in an amusement park, when an old assignment comes back to haunt him. - pdf, format


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JulianAusten
Posted: August 12th, 2014, 3:38am Report to Moderator
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From writer:

Hi, I’m new to this side. Would really like to hear your comments and I’m ready to read some of your scripts.

Have a nice day
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CalebHart
Posted: August 12th, 2014, 4:08am Report to Moderator
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I read the first ten pages.   Engaging.  You have a unique voice.  'Bout all I can say for now.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: August 12th, 2014, 8:38pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Julian,

I think your story suffers from way too many characters in the beginning. I have trouble latching on to anyone in particular. Way too many fight details.  I know you have some unimportant characters and that fine,  but this needs some fleshing or simplified editing.

Gl with the script
Tony
Ps.  Logline needs  proofing too.  
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JulianAusten
Posted: August 13th, 2014, 3:21am Report to Moderator
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Hey, thanks to the both of you.

@Caleb - Thanks for the compliment and I hope it can capture your attention to the end.

@ToniDionisio - I don’t like to explain my scripts. If the story didn’t capture your interest, it either isn’t for you or I have to work on it. I appreciate your comment and I will definitely take a look at it. Thanks.
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