Eggy by Steve Martin - Comedy - Liberated from captivity, genetically modified hen, EGGY, rewards her liberator by delivering a GOLDEN EGG.  76 pages - pdf, format

Code INT. LAB - AFTERNOON We reveal a laboratory

We know it's a lab from the slug. There isn't any need to mention it again here.

Code We reveal a laboratory filled with chickens in cages. Some chickens are connected to colorful tubing and others are held by mechanical arms. Complicated looking lab apparatus flashes. The chickens' moods differ; manic, silly, strung out... some are missing limbs, others have extra limbs or human body parts attached to them.

I believe the above should be broken up a little bit and edited to make it flow better.

Code The chicken screams wildly, bobs his head and sticks out his surreal-looking tongue.

This is a male chicken?

Reading on and I can see that your writing needs work. Hopefully we see you posting around the boards.

I read the first 10...decent writing and for me it is easy to read. Question ....what market are you shooting for with this? At first when I read the logline/title, I was thinking animation. Some of the dialogue though teeters for me, even though most of it, IMO, is pretty well written.

One beef I have is that long court scene..you lost me during that after three pages of dialogue.

Love for the writer to chime in on this one.

Thanks for feedback.

Dustin - fair comment on the gender and remarks on editing etc. I certainly accept that.

pale yellow - will take on board, scene could well do with a cut

Would love if someone could read some more of it and provide some more feedback.

I should look at this forum more often and contribute also.


again, cheers for even reading the title

You'll learn just as much from reviewing scripts as you will gathering thoughts on your own. Play it smart and review active members work rather anything at random just to get a read on your own.

The advice is free but it usually costs some of your time. If you're serious then a place like this offers a fast track into pro screenwriting. Could take a year, could take two. As you can see it's all subjective. One reviewer here thinks your writing is just fine while another feels that you have a lot of work to do.

Maybe producers feel the same?