Alpha City by David Witka - Sci Fi, Fantasy - When a young boy discovers that he isn’t human he and his friends embark on a journey to discover his true past. 95 pages - pdf, format

Your copyright is 2012. I'd change that to a more up-to-date copyright. It looks better. Like you've just written it, rather than a two-year-old script nobody has been interested in making yet.

Code EXT. YEAR 2092 DESERT LAKE, ALPHA CITY - DAY At the bottom of a mountain, a waterfall runs into a shallow lake that’s littered with boulders. Two 11 year old girls, ALANA a blonde girl, and ALEXIS a black girl, play a game of tag jumping from boulder to boulder. Off in the distance a skyline of tall buildings can be seen.

For some reason your slugs are not formatted correctly. Could be the way my software is interpreting your file, but I doubt it. I am a LINUX user so I can't rule it out entirely.

Is the blonde girl also black? Or didn't you want to write the word white? Or did you assume that all blondes would be white? If you're going to mention colour, then it works for everyone... even white people. I also think that the above would be best served in three action blocks. The first to describe the setting. The next to describe the two girls playing and the final one when the camera moves to the distant skyline.

It's also weird how you move the camera to the skyline then move right into the conversation between the two girls. Personally, I'd describe the mountain being in contrast to the city skyline, then move onto the girls and their conversation. ATM, it's all out of synch'.

Show up, participate and you may get more reads... good luck.

Hi you're right about the copyright, I will change that. I think the sluglines are okay it must be your program because what you posted there is not how it looks on the pdf. Yes, Alana is white, i didn't mention it because most 11 yr old girls don't dye their hair at that age, so she is a natural blonde. The camera angles I don't worry about, I just write the story. I've read in countless books that the director likes to worry about that stuff. Please let me know if you have any more concerns and thanks for your input thus far.

Code CAPTION: YEAR 2092 EXT. DESERT LAKE, ALPHA CITY - DAY    At the bottom of a mountain, a waterfall runs into a    shallow lake that’s littered with boulders. Two 11 year old    girls, ALANA a blonde girl, and ALEXIS a black girl, play a    game of tag jumping from boulder to boulder. Off in the    distance a skyline of tall buildings can be seen.

It must be my software as it now looks like the above. I suppose there isn't really an indent to the action. What software are you writing with? I get this with certain scripts. Seems like a compatibility issue.

I'm not sure why you're talking about camera angles as I made no mention of using them. Black people can also have naturally blonde hair. I read somewhere that 10% of the world's natural blondes are black.

No need to thank me. Participate instead.