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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Grief Counselor Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: February 1st, 2015, 11:26am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Grief Counselor by Christine Whitlock - Short, Comedy - Death’s closure can be twisted. When a family returns to the funeral home to collect their deceased relative’s ashes, they encounter inappropriate actions. 4 pages - pdf, format


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 12:55pm Report to Moderator
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Christine, I'm at a little bit of a loss to see the humour here... unless this is played VERY slapstick, a la Marx Borthers then I'm not sure an audience would see the funny side...

And if you are going for slapstick I think you need to notch it up and make it obvious.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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TonyDionisio
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 1:47pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Christine,

Lazy way to introduce the family characters. You have a lot of examples of sentence run. Seperate the thoughts with periods.

"Bobby rushes to the door and thrusts his business card in
each of the Crumpets’ hands."

Thrusting business cards are so hawt.
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