The Last Performance by Christine Whitlock - Short, Comedy - Three costume mannequins create their own final drama on a theatre stage. 3 pages - pdf, format

Christine,

This had potential but I think you rushed the story. I think with a rewrite you can explore the mannequins a bit more.

Was the ruined dress a shot at Bill Clinton? Lol

Tony

Christine,

Most comments would make more sense coming from a dummy.  oops, that's me, right?  Use with care.

This one lacks a true story.  The mannequins don't have any real goal.  They have some bit of conflict, but they're not trying to get anything--not even missing parts.  Given a story line, what they want and what stands in their way, you might have a workable idea.  The opening dialogue needs a rewrite.  Think.  how many times do you use a co-worker's name?  Skip that unless you need it.  Andre says 'finished?'  and she answers 'a few more minutes.'  Andre probably already knows they had a big audience.  The info isn't necessary.  Andre says 'going out for a pack of smokes.  lock up when you leave.'  Simple, conversational.  And the mannequins come alive.  

Keep writing.

Best
Richard