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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  San (Three) Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 27th, 2015, 4:40pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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San (Three) by Effron - Short, Comedy - A lonely backpacker embarks on a difficult journey across a foreign land. Her only chance of making her destination, is by entrusting the help of two complete strangers. 8 pages - pdf, format


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eldave1
Posted: March 28th, 2015, 11:06am Report to Moderator
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Hi Efron:

I wasn't really crazy about the story as a Short. There was no there - there. Basically, a tourist gets assistance from a Chinese man on a bus trip - The End. If this was part of a feature or a longer story - okay, I get it. But as a stand alone Short, - I think you need to have some twist or something here to make it interesting.

The dialogue was fine.  The Action Blocks are way too long IMO - break them up into smaller bites.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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