Jilted by Marqus Bobesich - Short, Drama - Suspecting her husband of cheating, a young woman hires the services of a bizarre internet "dating" company to prove his infidelity and publicly humiliate him. 8 pages - pdf, format

A rock solid concept here. However, IMO - the ending (dropping the shrimp in his cocktail) doesn't doesn't the log line justice (publicly humiliate him).  Doesn't seem like much of a payback given that all he has put her thought and the extensive effort she put in to get him.

I would give the AGENT and NAMELESS character names. IMO it would make it less confusing and it would flow better.

Quoted Text INT. LAUNDRY ROOM - TURKO's HOUSE - DAY Turko's girlfriend, CARLA sorting clothes in the laundry room.

You need to show us somewhere in the script that Carla is his girlfriend. i.e., how would the audience know? Maybe a phone call from Turko to Carla while he is on the street, chasing the beauty, telling Carla he might be late. Also - why not make Carla the wife rather than the girlfriend? - it would raise the stakes.

Again, this has promise.  It is a very unique premise.

Marqus,

Sometimes a comment can be a land mine.  Tread carefully.

The story line is simple.  A GF wants to prove her BF cheats.  She hires an online service to trap him.  When he meets the girl of his lust, she shuns him.  Oops.  And the GF plays the trump card--she knows.  This is a solid story line, but I think you can improve the execution.  I'm not sure you need the opening scene, althoug NAMELESS is needed for the put down.  Does it matter who GF uses to trap the BF?  If you skip to the infatuation, then you can get to the meet of the story.  

And the payback doesn't seem nearly tough enough.  So, a girl who looks like the girl from online doesn't know him?  Big deal.  He's a player.  One woman balks, there are thousands of others online.  What you might think about is a gala to honor him.  He has a slideshow to present, but it's not the slideshow, it's his online wooing, his online sex, in front of all these people who thought so much of him.  Payback is hell, so they say.  

Of course, another way to approach this is to have the GF be the online woman.  She uses a fake persona to trap her BF and then broadcasts his infidelity.  Women can extract more than a pound of flesh.

Best
Richard