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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Cold-Hearted Murder Moderators: bert
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  Author    Cold-Hearted Murder  (currently 868 views)
Don
Posted: April 3rd, 2015, 11:27am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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[url=http://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/Cold-Hearted Murder.pdf]Cold-Hearted Murder[/url] by Rhonnie Fordham - Short, Horror - After killing his wife in a moment of rage, a  man seeks the help of his friend, a local coroner, to help  dispose of her body.  17 pages - pdf, format


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 4th, 2015, 8:09pm Report to Moderator
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Think something is wrong with the URL link...


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Iancou
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 4:21pm Report to Moderator
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You have to copy the URL on this one.


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Iancou
Posted: April 5th, 2015, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
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As far as technical aspect go, this is fairly well written. However, there is a good amount that can be pared down to make the action and dialogue more concise. There are parts that have to be shown, not described. For example, "Two-run game, bottom of the eighth." How does the director show or tell this?

On the flip side, I liked the twist at the end. I won't go into detail, so I won't be a spoiler, but it was definitely not readily apparent that was how it was going to go. There were hints in how he handled Will's panic, but it was not overt.

Good one, Rhonnie.

Ian


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RhonnieFordham
Posted: April 6th, 2015, 12:55am Report to Moderator
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Glad ya liked it, man.  Means a lot.  And I thought about condensing it since 15+ page short scripts aren't exactly a goldmine, but I don't know, I think it reads fairly well and quick.  Kinda Tales From The Cryptish which was the idea.

Also, when I submitted the script I forgot to send the .PDF (idiot alert, I know), so the Admin e-mailed me later, and I sent him the copy, so that's why ya gotta copy and paste.

If it makes it any easier, here's a link to it on Dropbox:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/xykqyedgkm2zs4z/Cold-Hearted%20Murder.pdf?dl=0

Rhonnie
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