Quoted Text EXT: OUTER SPACE.
Background shows wildlife in a forest. |
I agree with Tony, I had no idea what you mean here
I don't understand why you show pictures of the things being mention, such as Lady death and the infinite gauntlet, I'm not even sure where we are exactly, who shows us these pictures? All you mention is space. As is I'm imaging that the pictures float in space into view of the camera.
Fade in: Asteroid? ...and then we go to Thanos admiring his gems, is he on/near the asteroid at all?
I think those wryly's will be better as flashbacks, show how he took them. The name Thanos sounds familiar but I don't really know who you are talking about, not really big on the whole super hero phase going on right now, this would be a good moment to show what kind of person he is, did he take them or was he given the gems?
What does Mephisto look like? He is the master of demons so I'd imagine he'd look evil, is he a ghost like being or what? You have to start painting a clearer picture of what we are seeing.
All dialogue on page 4 seems too on the nose to me, they are speaking their minds and the exposition it sticking out like a sore thumb.
Quoted Text MEPHISTO
(TO HIMSELF):
Amazing, he could create this structure by simple thinking of it. Such a feat truly boggles the mind. He could create or destroy anything, including me, with just a simple thought. However, is he truly capable of controlling this power or will his fragile heart lead to his own undoing? |
Way too on the nose, too much exposition, and the foreshadowing just doesn't work for me here.
Quoted Text THANOS:
Of course. I have been so consumed with my newfound power that I have forgotten the very vow I gave to my love. She gave me the task of extinguishing the lights of half the population of the universe, to bring the balance of life and death to neutrality. I have not yet done what she has asked, and that is inexcusable. A lover should always keep his vow to the one that holds his affection. But I must tread carefully. I will need time to decide on the path that this universe will take. |
So he just up and forgets that he has to kill half the population of the universe in order to get with lady death? Doesn't seem like a thing that one can easily forget especially if you need to take time to decide on that thing. It is hard to believe that the only thing that can bring them together is that very thing he forgot about and another thing...this guy has killed his own mother, he is determined to make Lady death his own and he has the power to kill half the universe in a split second, why is he caring all of a sudden? There is no reason at all why he needs to think about it.
EXT: NEW YORK MANSION COMPLEX, THE SANCTUM SANCTORUM A FEW MONTHS LATER.
Need to fix this, the "few months later" should be a SUPER, or else the audience won't know there has been a time jump.
Another problem too, your scene heading says EXT, but the action immediately following it says that the characters are inside a study? Once again there is a big lack of description
Quoted Text Strange turns and looks in horror at Wong as he vanishes into thin air.
STRANGE:
Wong? What is…? By Hoggoth!
Wong vanishes. |
He vanishes twice?
Quoted Text SPIDER-MAN:
Ah! Wow! That was some spider sense; it never went off like that before. It felt like my skull was going to explode. I wonder what caused it to…what the? |
Again too much on the nose.
Quoted Text Spider-man stops, runs off building and swings to his apartment building in a panic |
Should be a new scene heading here for this.
Why doesn't Thanos get rid of all the people that can stop him? Clearly he can make the superheroes vanish so why doesn't he guarantee his plan and make his threats all vanish? Seems like a big plot hole to me.
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The Infinite Gauntlet
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