The Prisoner by Kevin Doy Burton - Short - A Russian soldier found dead in a sand dune was brought back to life due to an experiment done on him by a strange scientist,and taken to an American prison but he is not the ordinary prisoner. 13 pages - pdf, format

Hi Kevin,
    I'm looking at your screenplay.  On the first line, there is a problem.

Rule 1 and the cardinal rule of all screenwriting is SHOW, DON'T TELL.  You're first sentence is

A Russian ends up in an American prison, but he�s not an average prisoner.

How is the cameraman or director supposed to show that?  You need to find a way to let them show this to the reader.  This isn't a story or novel.  A screenplay is written with the understanding that it shows how the viewer will SEE it, meaning it is the job of the Director and his Cameraman to show this.  Got it?

I won't mention any more about show don't tell since I said it once.  Onto other issues:

1.  You MIGHT want to show what the guards are wearing or carrying.  And if Vincent is your protag, you need to let us know what he looks like.  And is Vincent Russian?

2.  The Daydream has to be handled as another header.  It must be shot, remember?

3.  Boris says "one of my found you"  One of my WHAT??

4.  UMMM, not page numbers.  It makes it much easier to let you know where you have issues, and also, I think it's standard now that pages must be numbered.

5.  Why the space when Boris says:  There was an experiment that I wanted to try on a human.  There are empty lines there.

6.  And that monolog by Boris is far too long.  Break it up with actions or something.

7.  You must write in present tense.  You say that Boris GAVE Vincent a shot.  It's GIVES or some other present tense.

8.  You use past tense far too often.  That needs to be fixed.

9.  Why wouldn't he fight?  

Gotta say, so far, not loving the story.  The dialog is flat.  There are a lot of screenwriting errors.  The story is flat.  I don't mean to be harsh, but, it's hard to read.

The fight with Tower is not very good.  

I'm sorry, but, I gotta bail on this.  

I hope you spend some time and really look at the story and really think it through, and follow the rules!!  No one will ever read your script that has the money to produce it if it breaks that many rules.

Sorry
Dan

I just found out that I'm near the end, so, I will tough it out.

Guards don't put a guy in a cell knowing he will be pummeled.  There are far too many cliches here.

Why do guards care about Tower?  Again, a flaw.

So, bullets have no effect.  Why can't he just bend the bars and escape?  Why did he allow himself to get arrested in the first place.  The entire plot really doesn't make sense.  

Why does he decide that all the prisoners must die?????  Wouldn't he want to just go home?  

How would he even know where to find the Warden?

How in the world is he free?  He's in a foreign country.  He's on video tape using his super strength as well as the bullets bouncing off of him.  I'm sorry, but, if anything, he's more hunted now then ever b/c the USA and Russia will be after him.  Not to mention the other guards in the prison.  And why was he arrested in Russia in the first place?  All he did was ask a question, right?

Sorry dude, I really am....