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Plight by Jody Russell - Drama - After a deadly encounter with a drug gang, brothers Daniel and Gill must flee Mexico City aboard the famed La Beastia. Meanwhile, the villainous Morlitto hunts them, eager to please his cruel boss. 111 pages - pdf, format
got about 30 pages in so far..i can tell you have skill as a writer, from your descriptive style. this same strength might be seen as an error in screenplay writing though, as its textbook screenplay writing to try to describe as little as possible as far as setting up a scene and giving the reader a visual of whats happening on the page. The dialogue is well done...its what one would expect to hear from these four family members when they speak to each other, though in some spots it seemed a little unnatural. I think you just have to find a different way of wording certain sentences. I've had trouble with the same thing. Just because something sounds right inside your head doesn't mean it wont sound corny or unbelievable to a stranger who decides to pick up your work one day and read it...as for the rape scene...it might draw some audience members into the story more through an emotional response, or other audience members might feel its uneccessary graphic content when you could have just had the guy come in and smack her around before the kid kills him with the butcher knife...i'm on the fence about that one. over all i was interested by the story. I think you set up the plot in the first 30 pages pretty well...but maybe you could make the beginning a little more interesting yet. Like start out the first few pages showing the father's (manny) youthful days as a gangster, his hardships in living that lifestyle. Maybe show him as this vicious, ruthless, stone cold shark killer with seemingly no remorse, then suddenly switch over to him at his older age when he has kids and hes this caring family man, and the reader will be like 'whoa, thats a shock'. Just an idea
Thanks Adam for reading and providing your thoughtful feedback. I like the idea for the beginning and am bouncing it around in my head. I hope that you find the story compelling enough to complete and post your final thoughts. Thanks again for the feedback!