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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  The God Whistle Moderators: bert
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  Author    The God Whistle  (currently 1292 views)
Don
Posted: April 26th, 2015, 8:34am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The God Whistle by Mark Kees Miller - Sci Fi, Fantasy - A science-fiction film about a man that builds a computer that almost literally places the wrath of God upon him using a duplicate version of himself. 71 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  July 19th, 2015, 1:00pm
revised draft
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AdamV
Posted: April 28th, 2015, 5:59pm Report to Moderator
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just started reading...some of the grammar is off, which is a little confusing for me. I think you're passionate about science fiction, and about telling your story..try not to make the dialogue and the description of whats happening so straightforward and explanatory. You wouldn't want to make your audience think you're trying to call them stupid now would you?
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Dreamscale
Posted: April 28th, 2015, 6:10pm Report to Moderator
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Logline is full of mistakes, which makes me know exactly what to expect in the script itself, which is a pass for me.

If you can't write a mistake free logline, you're not going to be able to write a script either.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: April 28th, 2015, 10:25pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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I like the title a lot. Unfortunately, the above posters are correct about the errors. Bummer.
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