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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Bulldog Dreams Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: June 14th, 2015, 2:02pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bulldog Dreams by Wes Chick - Short, Sci Fi - A robotic bulldog dreams of conquering his master and the other genetically engineered  pets his master has created. 12 pages - pdf, format


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Brody
Posted: June 14th, 2015, 5:27pm Report to Moderator
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I have no idea what I just read.  You've got writing chops, but the story itself is in some serious need of "clarity", IMO.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: June 14th, 2015, 10:12pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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I also have no idea what this story is saying.
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RichardR
Posted: June 15th, 2015, 3:11pm Report to Moderator
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This one is not for me. I like my stories to have a rough grip on reality. The fault is mine.

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Richard
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TonyDionisio
Posted: June 16th, 2015, 8:26am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from RichardR
This one is not for me. I like my stories to have a rough grip on reality. The fault is mine.

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Richard


I don't know what this means either.
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Wes
Posted: June 16th, 2015, 9:48am Report to Moderator
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Folks, thanks for giving it a read. I really appreciate that.
The general reaction is pretty much what I expected.
Thanks for the "writing chops" complement, Brody.


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TonyDionisio
Posted: June 16th, 2015, 11:04am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Welcome to the boards, Mr. Chick.

Good to have another participating.

Tony
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GlynnTurner
Posted: March 14th, 2016, 1:24am Report to Moderator
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I liked this one.  
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Wes
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 9:23pm Report to Moderator
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Hello Glynn. Thanks for the "Like". it's really appreciated. Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you.


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Heretic
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 1:56pm Report to Moderator
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Haha. I can dig it. Plus that title is irresistible.

Is IT working at the table? If so, I wanted to know on what.

Looking back, I'm not sure I like Blimp and Index's first few lines. The sense of self-introduction doesn't really fit in this presumably long-inhabited environment.

Bulldog's tail, which I assume is either a tiny little metal nub or doesn't exist, seems like too good an image to pass up mentioning here.

The creations as I imagine them are very neat, and I think the story is as clear as it needs to be. Really enjoyed this one after a second read-through. If there's anything that's a little hazy, it's why the rebellion comes to a head at this particular point. If there is an inciting incident, I'm not totally sure what it is -- why they didn't do before what they do now.

Anyway. Some nice classical sci-fi. Good stuff.
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Wes
Posted: April 28th, 2016, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
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His Tail! How could I have missed it? I'll have to do something about that. Good point.
I also get your point about the inciting incident. For them it happened far in the past but I can see that a little clarification wouldn't hurt.

Thanks for reading, Heretic. Appreciate it.


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