The Game by Zarak Rajabally - Short, Horror - Andi wakes up in an unknown place. He cannot remember how he got there until gradually he finds out that his soul is stuck between heaven and hell and his body in a coma. Ruled by the fallen angel, where he has to play a game to come out. 17 pages - pdf, format

Hey Zarak,

I'm sorry, but I couldn't get past the first page, and I'm not talking about the title page either.  The writing is riddled with so many errors.

Quoted Text FADE IN: EXT.FOREST.NIGHT <--- not spaced correctly we are in a remote forest.Its very dark and creepy,the camera pans across the woods. we hear footsteps and the breath of someone getting closer.as it gets closer the camera starts to follow the stranger walking faster as if someone was following it pulling and pushing bushes on the camera as we get closer. we hear wild dogs barking and wild cats meowing, suddenly we see a pair of legs with torn shoes on, the camera tilts upwards to reveal the face. its a girl , she seems afraid and she has torn clothes on. she starts to run and the sound of dog barking and cat meowing gradually grows louder.she stops at a tree.Behind the tree emerges an old abandoned house.Its getting very chilly outside, the girl runs towards the house.

14 lines of poor capitalization, spacing issues, comma splices, unnecessary description and confusing writing overall.  The title page is riddled with errors also, and that will kill any interest people have in your script from the jump-off.

I'm not sure if English is your first language or not, but you need to take this one back to the laboratory.

I believe this is the first short on here that I've refused to read outright, and that thought came to my head within the first two sentences.  You could have a great story here, but nobody is going to give you a chance if the writing is poorly constructed.

Including scene numbers in your script will piss people off also, especially when you're presenting us with a spec script.  I know you might've chosen to include them because people will be able to refer to a scene using the numbers when writing their feedback, but it's not a good look for the most part, and it clutters up the pages.

My advice?  Stick around, and maybe you'll be able to raise the bar with your next screenplay.

Peace out brother.  

Copyright is also 2009. 6 years and to still be writing like this is not a good sign.

I could not finish this.  The writing is poor, and the formatting is worse.  I suggest the author read more screenplays and find a mentor to help with the English.

Best
Richard

I suggest that the author become a regular member here because it really is a free ticket.

I know you probably feel discouraged by what we've said, and I've been there myself, but that's no reason to give up.  And if you're serious about your writing, you will try to improve by any means necessary.

Do you think I want to trawl through professional scripts in my spare time? Do you think I want to read about formatting and all that other crap? Do you think I want to ask fellow members for help all the time?

I really don't want to do that, but I do it because writing isn't easy, and I need all the advice I can get from all different types of people.

For yourself, I'd recommend starting off with the basics because that's what you need to learn before attempting any form of writing.  That's something which can be learned, whereas creativity and good story-telling are a lot harder to come by.

I do not know how old you are, nor do I know where you're from, so I don't know if my suggestions are falling on deaf ears, but if you were to sign up and give us some more information, there might be a way forward for you here.

Peace, and take some time to think about it because we're all here to help at the end of the day.