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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Happy/Sad Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: July 31st, 2015, 7:59am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Happy/Sad by Alex Church - Short, Drama, Comedy - Following a tragic loss, Alex's life seems to be spiraling out of control, while his best friend, Braden's, is beginning anew. Both get together for one last night of childhood and teenage debauchery. 11 pages - pdf, format


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RichardR
Posted: July 31st, 2015, 12:16pm Report to Moderator
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Alex,

Comments can be bittersweet.

This one is about halfway done.  There are numerous mistakes in formatting and writing.  Some are

When you give us a slug line, add the time of day...or night....otherwise we can't picture the scene.
When you say he's unhappy, how does the audience know?  Give him some action.
you can skip the greet scene.  just put them in the house
eachother should be each other
where did the sword come from?
parent's should be parents'

A good proofreader would help fix all these issues.

As far as the story goes, it's been done, a lot.  If you're going down this road, you have to give us something we didn't see in AMERICAN GRAFITTI.  Push the envelope.  Don't get preachy.  Give these characters something to do that will allow them to move on.  Not just some talk while they play on swing sets.  Action will keep people glued to the screen.

Best
Richard
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