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Y by Fausto Lucignani - Sci Fi, Thriller - After the atrocious death of her father, a Jewish doctor struggles against Nazi bioterrorists to thwart the 21st Century Holocaust. 122 pages - pdf, format
Hey Fausto: tried to get through it - but there are issue right from the start.
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FADE IN: NEW YORK CITY, 2015
No sure what this is - am I looking downtown? At a street? Is this suppose to be a SUPER?
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INT. HOSPITAL - MORNING
The nurses station in the INFECTIOUS DISEASES floor bustles with medical personnel.
Make the scene heading more specific so you don't have to establish it in the first line of action.
INT. HOSPITAL/INFECTIOUS DISEASES FLOOR - DAY
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An Hispanic-American NURSE (30) SPEAKS on a PA system. (She speaks English with a Spanish accent).
THE NURSE Doctor GOLD, to Infectious Diseases. Doctor GOLD, to Infectious Diseases.
She is NURSE - not THE NURSE and where is she? Is she speaking at a nurse's station? - if so - describe that or wherever it is she is speaking from.
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INT. NURSES STATION - MINUTES LATER
Doctor ESTHER GOLD, dark-brown hair, acutely attractive in her early 40s, stands facing a SENIOR NURSE, grayish hair, plump, (50).
You don't need the minutes later and now we have a nurses station - set that up front. ANd - I'm confused - was the first nurse not at a station and was just a V.O through a P.A - if so, you need to indicate that. If not, why is Esther talking to someone other than the nurse that paged her.
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ESTHER What's the emergency.
typo - question mark missing.
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THE SENIOR NURSE An man has just been admitted. He's vomiting blood and has high fever.
Typo - A man.
Okay - I'm out early on this one. There is some clean up needed.
I'm one of those annoying people who make comments without reading scripts. Sorry. I'm at work and just don't have the time. But your title jumped out at me for the wrong reasons. I thought I'd take a look at the logline to see if there was a reason you named your script after a letter of the alphabet. But I don't see why. (no pun intended)
Unless there is a very key part of your script focused on the letter Y I would advice you to look at a different title. It's not the best title.
Read 10 pages. Sorry Fausto, I think this could be a good story looking at the logline but somehow the writing does not pull me in. It has a clinical feel to it. Maybe it's too on the nose, I don't know...