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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2015 One Week Challenge  ›  Parts Are Such Sweet Sorrow - OWC
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  Author    Parts Are Such Sweet Sorrow - OWC  (currently 2962 views)
Don
Posted: October 24th, 2015, 11:01am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Parts Are Such Sweet Sorrow by Elsa Lanchester - Short, Horror - A bad marriage can turn you one into a monster.  - pdf, format


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DustinBowcot
Posted: October 24th, 2015, 1:37pm Report to Moderator
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Logline is a bit messy. Probably wrote on the hop. Nice pseudonym.

Lot of one liners that I'm groaning at. This is supposed to be horror, but it's comedy.

Not bad... I like the story and it would be easy to film.

6 out of 10. Not quite a consider, but not a bad effort either, nice work.
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: October 24th, 2015, 2:47pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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This could make a funny sketch.

It's not horror by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a fun little skit.
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RKeller
Posted: October 24th, 2015, 3:01pm Report to Moderator
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SPOILERS

Pg 1
disinterested -> uninterested (cf the great scene in Bugsy)
"nuts and bolts" Nice.  (She's the nut and he wants to bolt?)
The first thing we hear from the Counselor is "separation"?

Pg 2
Top of page: you are the first one today to make me lol. Thanks!
collerd shirts. Nice.

Pg 3
The Counselor has a bias for The Bride
She breaks into song. Well done.

Pg 5
Okay, the Counselor lets Frank finish a sentence.

= = = = = = =
Bravo!
Best one so far today.
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RKeller
Posted: October 24th, 2015, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
This could make a funny sketch.

It's not horror by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a fun little skit.


There's a dismembered body in the bathtub.

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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: October 24th, 2015, 3:06pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from RKeller


There's a dismembered body in the bathtub.



It's still a comedy.
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stevie
Posted: October 24th, 2015, 5:35pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films


It's still a comedy.


So it's a pisser then



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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: October 24th, 2015, 5:37pm Report to Moderator
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Not a pisser.
Just heavier on the comedy than the horror.


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: October 25th, 2015, 7:11am Report to Moderator
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This is a funny sketch, it's not a horror but I did like the setting and the banter between the characters. It is low budget, uses classic monsters but if I were a picky guy (which I am) there is more than one good make-up effect, as both Frank and his Bride would need make-up, plus the body in the bath.

I did like it though, it was clever and witty.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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ScenesUnwritten
Posted: October 25th, 2015, 1:26pm Report to Moderator
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This was complete garbage. just joking.  I actually laughed quite a bit.

PROS:  Easy setup.  Great quick back and forth banter.  Easily to visualize.

CONS: Comedy.  Didn't get the uniBROW joke.

Funny.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 25th, 2015, 5:53pm Report to Moderator
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My opinions are just that, and have been known to be wrong!

Picky bits:-
1) Not  horror for sure

Good bits:-
1) Well paced
2) Good dialogue
3) Definitely some funny lines

Rules
Well it's got a classic monster or two, but it ain't horror

Overall this was well written and funny, but not really as per the brief for this OWC

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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EWall433
Posted: October 26th, 2015, 9:45am Report to Moderator
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I'm not quite sure what to say about this one, it's a cute concept and decently executed, but it feels like more could've been done with it. It could really be something good, Frankenstein and his Bride having marriage problems, but it didn't really dig deep enough for me. Might have been nice to hear or see some of things they've done in the past to spice up their marriage. Things normal couples would do, but don't work out because these two are abominations before the eyes of God. Things like going on a date night that ends with them running away from angry villagers.

The end is good, but again feels like it could be more. How far down this road might these two go? Does cutting off other people's faces and stitching them to your own count as "seeing other people"?

Then again, maybe it's just me.
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PrussianMosby
Posted: October 26th, 2015, 12:35pm Report to Moderator
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Parts Are Such Sweet Sorrow

Okay, a lot of comedy with one brutal image.

Imo this could work only if you compress it to 2 or 3 pages. A short funny clip with a dark touch. Still decent stuff imo, nice concept.



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SAC
Posted: October 26th, 2015, 7:48pm Report to Moderator
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… but some dreams do

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Writer,

Very nicely done, and funny. Found myself chuckling several times. It's an original premise and one I can see being filmed very easily. I loved that they killed the counselor. I think you could have spent at least half a page on her brutal death. That would have thrown in the horror element that this piece is missing. For what it's worth, mostly comedy here. But I don't care. One of my favs nonetheless. Good job!

Steve


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rendevous
Posted: October 26th, 2015, 8:24pm Report to Moderator
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Away

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You can tell from the title and the start this is going to be on the comedic side. Thankfully I've cheered up a bit so I'll give it a go.

There's a few lines that fall flat, but there's also some good lines. I was amused.

R


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