I Need a Drink by Shelby Vernon White IV - Short, Comedy - Julien finds himself in a sticky situation when his, somewhat of a blind tinder date, goes awry causing him to seek advice from his roommate. 10 pages - pdf, format

Hi Shelby, some thoughts, juts my opinion of course

The script is reasonably written, but action lines aren't normally italicised so i'd change that element.

But... not sure what to make of this one, as I was not sure what the point was? Was it that men find women more attractive after alcohol? That one works both ways and would have been more original if you'd reversed the genders.

If you were trying to convey something else, then sorry if I missed it...

Anthony

I enjoyed the read. Description was decent but i have no idea what they look like or how old they are? Is the apartment modern? Run down? Give us a little more. It's hard to visualize what you want us to see if you don't tell us.


And yes, I agree with Anthony. Dont italicise action. It was rather distracting.

All the best

Shelby,

This has a beer goggles ring to it, and it's a viable proposition.  I don't know why you have two characters in the apt.  One will work just fine.  He doesn't need his buddy to explain how alcohol works.  Just show that to the audience and they'll get it.  That way it can be pared down from 10 pages.  And as suggested before, work it both ways.  When she walks in, the ugly guy is there.  By her third drink, he's Adonis.  

Best
Richard