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Kitty & Moonwolf by John Robbins - Short - With the last piece of candy at stake, a stubborn feline challenges her canine nemesis to a duel of rock-paper-scissors. - pdf, format
The writing was very good and creative. A bit fantastical even. But was this really a script about a game? The rock paper scissors was really only a very small part of the story (side note: I guess animated dogs and cats can play rock paper scissors - you did keep referencing hands instead of paws, btw). Overall, the story was more about the lemonsmacks than anything else. Any why did Kitty want one anyway when she turned her nose up at it to begin with? Still, overall, not a bad effort here
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
You know, I didn't want to like this. I was looking forward to hating when I saw SCREW IT - FADE BACK IN and decided I just kinda like this whole goofy, animation type script. Your dialogue is breezy and refreshing, imagery is wonderful. Maybe no board game, but a game nevertheless. Not much at stake, though, but maybe to a child the last lemonsmack for Kitty would be a big deal, indeed. I would love to see this made. I think it'd look spectacular. Good luck and
I was completely confused. I know it was for a kid, but, then you have guys chopping his head off, blood guts etc. It was odd. Even for my dark humor, it was odd...
It was original and for the longest time, I thought the characters were the game that I had no idea about....
I'd give it a 5/10. It was just so far out there, that my tripping brain couldn't handle it.
Sorry
Dan ps, I did NOT write this one (no double fake out )
I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good. I enjoy writing the same. Looking to team with anyone!
I enjoyed the first three pages, as they were silly and fun.
On page 4, I got so confused. What was even going on?
I did enjoy how Kitty kept increasing the number of games.
Kitty and Moonwolf act like they have met Rocky Sizza before ("Who are you again?" "You know how much I like...") but he doesn't seem to have met them before. If they have never met, lose the "again" and change the wording of the other one.
The ending seems to come to suddenly. Moonwolf has spent like 7 pages fighting Kitty to keep the candy, then he just gives it up.
Someone had a good time writing this. I found it to be a pleasant enough lighthearted contest between cat and dog(how do they RPG with paws?) But then this Rocky Sizza guy shows up and things got a lot murkier. The game aspect was no longer essential to the story and more of an afterthought. I'd like to see another version without the Rocky character to interfere with the cat/dog tension. This was a different take on the challenge, which is always appreciated, but it needs to be clarified and streamlined.
BTW - based on the absolute wildness of the imagination, I have a *suspicion* who wrote this one.
Pros and cons. Delightful to read, since it's so bizarre. And the writing itself was clean - obviously a pro that's been around the block with Final Draft many times.
Cons: well, I really *don't* think the story fits the criteria of family game night. And - I really have no idea how this actually ended... it kind of disintegrated into animated chaos.
That said, it still was a quick, fun read. So kudos there, anyway!
The 'family game night' was just a way to liken the challenge to something and not meant to be taken literally. It was not a stipulation that it must be a family board game. It could be any game.
Lol, wildly creative! This plays out like anime on crack. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what happened but, I don't think it matters at this point. My daughter draws Anime, I'm gonna' show her this script... she literally says strange things like this from time to time;
"Kitty looks around. Nobody in sight. She opens a safe. Inside is a PIGGY BANK. She shatters it with a hammer and cuddles up with her candy - a glutton for the crinkling of wrappers."
This made me realize how difficult it must be to write a script for a Saturday-morning type cartoon. It's not all boinnng and grrrrrr. Not only that, it's not easy to read a cartoon script. A reader's normal reactions to overwriting and exaggeration go out the window. When I reread this one, I found myself picturing the craziness on screen. I could see it in my head. So -- props to the writer for (1) a creative take on the theme, and (2) making it work.