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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  The Experts Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: February 9th, 2016, 11:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Experts by Brian Wareham - Action, Adventure, Comedy - Two mismatched operatives employed by a private intelligence company team with a one man army CIA agent to take down a snobby, elitist, America-hating British arms dealer. 95 pages - pdf, format


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cloroxmartini
Posted: February 10th, 2016, 11:41am Report to Moderator
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All the PANs and CAPS are ANNOYING.

Your first scene ends with Owen telling David to lose the robe which I find odd.

Adam shows up with an HK G36 in the woods, then shows up at a warehouse with mini gun and shreds some SUVs, then shows up in the warehouse with a rifle. Why have him in the woods in the first place?

We get to the opening title and it's the experts. I think the action bar has been set pretty high these days and what you have doesn't reach that bar. The dialogue is stock tough-guy action stuff. The action is not that compelling. There isn't anything in the pages up to the title that reach out and say, HEY, READ ME!
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