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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  The Implement Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: February 13th, 2016, 8:22am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Implement by Dominik Kapus - Thriller - After a 15 year old gets abducted by a national child trafficking ring,  his mother risks everything in order to find him.  87 pages - pdf, format


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TonyDionisio
Posted: February 18th, 2016, 4:47pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Damnit, get to the point!

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Hey Dominik,

I did about 15 pages even though the story isn't exactly something I'd be into. Off the start, despite this story being a dime a dozen (my wife watches this recycled plot on her lady-channel weekly) you create a sense  of vulnerability between Christina and Collin and that's good. I would maybe change a name as to not have both begin with the same letter.

Some of your dialog is a bit on the nose. If you're around, I'm curious to see if you added any new wrinkles later in the story. If not, hope you get more reads.

Gl with the script

Tony
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