Impulsive by Hunter Vogt - Short, Drama - A high school student who likely has Borderline Personality Disorder makes an impulsive decision to run off, but his lack of planning ends up hurting him. 7 pages - pdf, format

Hunter,

Some notes.

This  might pass for a decent vignette, but it isn't a story.  Not much happens except for the protagonist repeating the same thing over and over.  Your audience is going to tune out after the third time he calls himself an  idiot or ffing idiot.  He does nothing but take a little drive and then gets bailed out by somebody else.  Not much happens.

You have the makings of a tale. You have a screw up character who goes off the deep end after a bad quiz.  Don't milk it.  Get to the car.  He doesn't need to talk to himself.  He just takes the drive south.  At this point, you need something to happen.  A hitchhiker, an accident, a pee break, something.  And then, another character would be nice, someone who takes this ride in a new direction.  Who and why is your business, but having him reach the end of the line and then phone home is lame.  No offense.

And then you need an ending.  Something that saftisfies the theme.  He is either a real screw up, or he does something that shows he's not one.  Your choice.

Best
Richard

Hi Hunter,

I appreciate your writing efforts, but I agree with Richard that your protagonist becomes a little too repetitive in his speech. Overall, the script doesn't feel complete. Also, I may have missed something, but why can't Hudson just fill up on gas when he's at the gas station? Is he out of money?


Kind regards,
Elizabeth