Time Again by JB Anderson - Short, Sci Fi - After surviving a deadly ambush during the Civil War, an infantryman is nursed back to health by two strangers that claim to be a part of a missing Union regiment. 36 pages - pdf, format

JB,

Some notes.

This one might have a sound idea behind it, but the execution doesn't meet current standards.  We'll start with the hunks of action you throw at the reader.  Generally, writers try to limit action paragraphs to 4 lines or fewer.  Readers who are pressed for time will start to skim, and when they skim, they miss important details.  Shorter is better.

For the most part, writers don't include camera directions.  That's the director's purview based on what is described.  Taking out camera details leaves more room for exposition.  

Wrylies shouldn't be over-used in dialogue.  If the words don't give the actor a clue as to how to present, then revise the dialogue.  Again, fewer is better.

Then, we get to the meat of the story, what it is all about.  This makes the story interesting, but the explanation is probably too long.  These characters who have done this many times don't need a lot of explanation.  It's simple.  This effort is no more successful than the others, so they go with a new technique.  Enough.  You don't have to give the audience everything.  Keep some stuff for a future reveal.  Make the audience wonder what exactly is going on.

We finally reach the heart of this effort, the return of the dead brother.  This is too far along.  We should have reached here sooner.  This attempt doesn't work either, and I have no idea why Kent tries to roust Martin since I think they searched him pretty thoroughly in the beginning.  The team has failed again.

We reach the reason for the time intervention.  We are given no reason for John's possession of the artifact.  Again, finding it seems way too easy, as is his learning of its power.  No setup has been given for this payoff.  That he hides it can be justified as he hears voices.  The rest plays out.

The biggest problem with your story is the question as to why, after 4 tries, the time team doesn't just arrive 5 minutes early and catch Martin with the artifact.  Why keeping arriving at the same time over and over?  

But that's not the biggest problem.  Those long, long action paragraphs make this read like a novel or short story and will turn off readers.  

Best
Richard