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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  Supachav, innit - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Supachav, innit - OWC  (currently 4139 views)
Don
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:02am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Supachav, innit by Jaunty Angle - Short, Comedy - An ignorant chav doles out his own brand of justice. 6 pages - pdf, format


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Dreamscale
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
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Not sure what kind of slang is being used here or what country it's from, but it completely destroys the read for me.  The main character's name is also something I'm not familiar with and is very grating.

I'm out on Page 2, as this thang ain't my cup, bro.  Word out.
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Wes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
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there's a Character Label on page four that I'm pretty sure is supposed to be MOTHER but it reads SUPACHAV.
That's as far as I got. No simpathy for Supachav. What ever he is.

Sorry. Not my thing.


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
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I get what you were going for, and I'm guessing a Brit. What's the fam thing, I'm not sure I've herd that before.

A delusional superhero, not a bad idea. Does it count? Oh who cares.

I quite like the setting and concept just needs some more on delivery

Ta


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
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Definitely Brit.. and fam is short for family, in youth speak... my kids hate me using it as I'm too old apparently!

I think this will resonate with the Brits, a fair few bits that made me laugh in here and well written too.

Good effort


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Cameron
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 5:47pm Report to Moderator
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I liked it, I know the US audience won't understand a lot of it, but coming from Scotland I know the Chav thing all too well (Neds/Minks where I'm from). Again the US guys won't get it, but he kinda reminded me of a young Rab C Nesbitt.

My only issue is whether he's a super hero or not? He doesn't have any powers, apart from the power of dillusion, so not sure it works in that way. But I'm prepared to let is pass as it's good fun
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stevie
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
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Lol, I liked the start of this but thought it would fizzle out. But kudos to the writer, it kept going well and I enjoyed it.  Ironically touches on mankind's greatest threat which is overpopulation - it causes all the problems we have...sigh.

7 laughs out of 10



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irish eyes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:39pm Report to Moderator
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I noticed Rab C Nesbitt in the reviews and i was thinking the same thing.

It had funny moments, placing his finger on their lips to silence them.

Overall not a bad comedy.

Good job on entering


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Ryan1
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:32pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
  The main character's name is also something I'm not familiar with and is very grating.


Chav = Council Housed and Violent.  Basically, a punk from the projects.  

I actually liked this numbskull's incredibly misinformed concern for the environment, but the joke started wearing thin when the young mother showed up.  And I wasn't quite sure what was going on with the shoulder barge scene.  This might have worked better if you placed the Chav in a setting where he would be more out of place like a nice neighborhood or some upscale party.  Better yet, team Supachav up with Supermick and let the stereotypes rumble.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 7:08am Report to Moderator
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This one is quite good. An absurd satire. I doubt that anyone from the US, or probably anywhere else but the UK, will get it. But it works well enough to get the intention of the idea across. Perhaps work on some of the jokes, add more irony.

Nice work.
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IamGlenn
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 8:34am Report to Moderator
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:)

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Jaunty Angle,

Being from Ireland, I too get this. Yay! And I liked it. Funny and I think it'd work well on screen. Always a gamble trying something only people of a certain geographic region will understand, so kudos for giving it a go. For me, at least, it paid off.

Nice one.

Glenn.


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Dreamscale
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:43am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ryan1
Chav = Council Housed and Violent.  Basically, a punk from the projects.  


So, "Supachav" isn't even a character name?  As in, this main character doesn't have a name?
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IamGlenn
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 10:42am Report to Moderator
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:)

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Quoted from Dreamscale


So, "Supachav" isn't even a character name?  As in, this main character doesn't have a name?


The hero's name is SupaChav, as in Super Chav.


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eldave1
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 11:23am Report to Moderator
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This had it's moments.

The "fam" thing was beat to death for me. Maybe it works for Brits and Aussies, but it would be like writing and American script where every line ended with buddy or pal. Same with the innit.

A hiccup - twice - when discussing the environment. e.g.,


Quoted Text
One of the biggest abusers of the
environment is population control.


Population Control is not the problem - over population is and population control is the solution. Had this error twice.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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DustinBowcot
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
This had it's moments.

The "fam" thing was beat to death for me. Maybe it works for Brits and Aussies, but it would be like writing and American script where every line ended with buddy or pal. Same with the innit.

A hiccup - twice - when discussing the environment. e.g.,



Population Control is not the problem - over population is and population control is the solution. Had this error twice.


Dave, I believe the errors were intentional for the sake of comedy. I could be wrong.
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