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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Dual Relationships Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: June 8th, 2016, 4:33pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dual Relationships by John Serafinko - Short - How far is a massage therapist willing to go when life rubs him the wrong way?  A cynical massage therapist in his mid-thirties, moves his family to a new town, and gets in over his head with clients that will stop at nothing to get their way, financially or emotionally. 48 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  July 16th, 2016, 9:30am
revised draft and logline
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Nathan Hill
Posted: June 9th, 2016, 2:18pm Report to Moderator
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A 47 page short? I guess it does count but still.
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RichardR
Posted: June 10th, 2016, 3:22pm Report to Moderator
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John,

I started this and couldn't wade through it.  Too much idle chat and on the nose dialogue.  I would suggest that you pare it down drastically.  Ask yourself what is absolutely necessary and keep that.  Dump the rest.

Best
Richard
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