SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 9:40am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Nobody Believed Me Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 7 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Nobody Believed Me  (currently 1324 views)
Don
Posted: July 31st, 2016, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Nobody Believed Me by Les Thompson - Drama - Nobody believed a 12 year-old rape victim could be thrown into a notorious asylum, beaten by insane patients, subjected to experimental shock treatment and survive to help others. But thanks to a kindly psychiatrist, a good man and his loving family, Paulette did. A true story. 78 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
TonyDionisio
Posted: August 2nd, 2016, 12:58pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Damnit, get to the point!

Location
Tennessee
Posts
768
Posts Per Day
0.20
1st page is blank, 2nd page picks up on the 6th page of the script. Anyone else seeing this?
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
NW3
Posted: August 2nd, 2016, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
121
Posts Per Day
0.02
Yes, and more besides. It's strangely formatted in any case, long blocks of dialogue with almost no description. It could be that the first words are meant to be the start of the script, regardless of page numbers. One good reason to use FADE IN:
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
grademan
Posted: August 2nd, 2016, 9:41pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
872
Posts Per Day
0.16
I don't often write reviews but something about your logline got me interested. At least, enough to scan through the first 20 pages. It's not terrible but it needs a lot of help.

Why is Conti listed as an script writer? Did she actually write parts of this? If not, she doesn't get credit the screenplay just because she wrote the book you based it on. If this is a serious script or a fan piece,  you should probably have her permission.
  
What did you use as your script template? Whatever you used, scrap it now.  Final Draft is a decent investment. Scene headings usually fit on one line. Fix those and your page count will drop 5 pages.

What did you use for the dialogue? Her dialogue, especially the initial line, is very much on the nose. Try and make her sound like a person with a unique voice.  Your narrative repeats a lot of what's in the dialogue. And large blocks of dialogue are -ugh! Try to write a movie not a talkie.

I hope this helps you on your script.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
NW3
Posted: August 3rd, 2016, 8:12am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
121
Posts Per Day
0.02
The missing pages have turned up, and these show many problems. Les, I hope you are around to read this? You have I think, an interesting story to tell but it looks a mess. Search on 'screenplay' and 'format' and spend some time reading scripts to get an idea.

Most obviously, scene headings have only three elements: "INT." or "EXT." then "WHERE" (from GENERAL to SPECIFIC if needed) then "- DAY" or "- NIGHT". The scene changes when a character leaves the location.

  EXT. FOREST - DAY

  INT. FLORIDA - CHATTAHOOCHEE HOSPITAL - WARD - DAY

  INT. HOSPITAL - NURSES' STATION - DAY

  INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY



Description goes after:


  EXT. FOREST - DAY

  In an open area, a 12-year-old CHILD drags a rag doll as she
  runs towards a large weatherboard house. On the veranda is a
  red-haired WOMAN, staring blankly out.

                      CHILD
                   (shrieks)
            Momma, Momma!



Everything characters say gets formatted like this. (Not "shouting that she had spat at him and another had tried to hit him.") Don't describe thoughts or feelings.

That's a start, I hope it helps.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006