Uber as Fast as You Can by 0 - Short, Comedy - An aspiring actress rushes to meet a director of an upcoming film, but must battle Los Angeles traffic to get there. - pdf, format

Conflict doesn't really evolve past the premise, and the dialogue doesn't stand on its own. Not sure there's much cinematic potential here.

Not exactly riveting....

Stuck in traffic in an Uber with some on the nose dialogue.

Sorry didn't really work for me

Good job on entering though and make sure to read others.

I think you need to indicate that the car got into motion after they all boarded inside. Or did you? Might have missed it.

Anyway,
They said about it being not possible it was the fastest way (or the car being slow). Then they talked about exact same thing again.
Then they started talking about traffic. Then again - about traffic.
I think you could cut some dialog and add some - add texture, differentiate the voices and such.
I understood the idea. It's a sketch. I see you intended it as a comedy sketch. It doesn't sound funny so far, but doesn't mean it won't if you work on it.

Just didn't work. It wasn't funny, and the lines didn't really go anywhere and just ended up in circular conversation which grated after a couple of pages. Yet again I'd probably say this doesn't meet the initial brief as they were never stuck in the taxi.

Well done on entering

Cam

They dont feel trapped at any point and Uber drivers all have names, it tells you it in the app...

I expected something to happen at the end, like the director guy ordering the same Uber or something, but as it was it just petered out.

Sorry didn't work for me.

Nothing like being stuck in traffic to ruin your day

Story wise it felt a little soft with not too much too it. The others characters in the car almost seem redundant, bar one.

The aim of meeting with a director, by chance, also seemed weak. Not sure we could get attached to that.

I would work on being stuck with a real Ticking clock type moment

Pass

Well, uhh, hate to say it but there was no story here. Which might have not been this detrimental, except there are four talking heads doing anything but ahem, 'doing'. Their actions have no effect on the story, we probably would've found more excitement in the restaurant. There just wasn't much here unfortunately, I like the concept of the struggling actress -- but even then, it's hard to latch onto someone who wouldn't be smart enough to judge traffic to presumably one of the most important interviews of her life. It feels a little rushed, one week challenge and all -- needs work.

Writer,

Sorry to say, but nothing really caught my eye here. The Uber driver was very ordinary, impacted by his unique name -- Driver. If Sarah really wanted this role she might've thought about leaving an hour and a half earlier. Within five minutes of being in the car this hot shot director was already paying the check at the restaurant. Now, there are stakes here -- Sarah getting this big role, but I don't care. Sarah isn't much of a character, there's nothing there that makes me pull for her and think, "man, I really hope she gets there. Fuckin traffic!" If you'd have given this more thought, Sarah might've made it there just in time to see this director hopping in his car and taking off. That right there would have given us sympathy for her. Then perhaps, while she's crying on the curb, a stranger takes pity on her -- maybe it just so happens he's a bigger director who catches his eye! I dunno, bad example maybe but it's something.

I'm just gonna figure the deadline was tight and this was thrown together in a hurry. This could've been so much more!

Steve

Quoted from SAC Writer, Sorry to say, but nothing really caught my eye here. The Uber driver was very ordinary, impacted by his unique name -- Driver. Steve

Perhaps it was his name? "Driver, Jack Driver. I'm a, er, driver"

Pity about this one. It started out quite nicely and I felt it has a good flow - but then...it stops. More of an anecdote than a story.

Maybe it would have worked if we'd cut to the restaurant and seen what was happening (this is a low budget idea but that doesn't mean no budget).

I'd also conflate Hudson and Andrea - having two characters doesn't work (and adds to budget).

Sarah's not really trapped - she nearly gets out at one point, so clearly that doesn't fit the challenge.

You could go all post modern and meta and at the end have a Director shout "cut" and we see we're in a movie, and it's just a scene.

Ooh. Like that idea - wish I'd used it for mine!

Anyway, 2 out of 5 - had potential but sadly didn't build on it.

This was kinda boring.  And a lousy ending to boot.

This felt like a sketch rather then a story.  

And how in the world can the director eat THAT fast?  I mean he ate a full-course meal in what 30 seconds?  That's impressive.  

And what did she really hope to accomplish?  To walk past him and show him how hot she is?  I'm assuming you've lived in Hollywood.  There are tons of women just like her.  Unless she's a 10, the director wouldn't care.  

Some of the dialog was pretty bad.  

They weren't trapped in the car, they were trapped in a traffic jam.  But, I guess that fits the parameters...

5/10

Dan

SARAH
There's no way that this is the fastest. It's hardly moving!

Kind of a niggle, but I mean, I could guess that the car is moving, but it's never stated in the action.  Suggested in the dialogue, but visually I’m left to picture them just sitting talking -- was that the joke?

Okay, it needs work to give us a stronger story -- the idea of a wannabe actress doing anything she can to get the attention of a director's not bad.  I'd think about ditching the friends and really ramping up the crazy from Sarah.  This is all just too passive to give us anything to care about.

Good luck with it.

Wow...really?  Another one where the writing isn't the killer...it's the story...or complete lack thereof, as well as the horrendous dialogue.

Just so completely dull and meaningless...and repetitive.

Maybe you don't understand, but without breaks - new Slugs, this is all pretty much continuous, so this Director is served and eats in less than 3 minutes - ridiculous!

Sorry, but this is very bad and doesn't even meet the challenge requirements, as no one is stuck in the Uber.

Grade - F

No one is stuck at any point, so it doesn’t meet the requirements of the challenge.

“the social”, and “the urgent-mannered” are not character descriptions. How would you film that?

The dialogue is one the nose in a big way.

Nothing much in the way of a story here.