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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Where the Sun Rises Moderators: bert
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  Author    Where the Sun Rises  (currently 944 views)
Don
Posted: August 21st, 2016, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Where the Sun Rises by Sheikh Jallow - Drama - An orphan and a slave, a young woman learns to survive in slavery and in the world of mysogenist men. 81 pages - pdf, format


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AlsoBen
Posted: August 28th, 2016, 11:08pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Sheikh - if you let me know you're on these boards I'll post a full review for you

You've misspelled misogynist in your logline. Your logline describes a script that interested me so I'm reading.

First off - your copyright preamble should go (if anywhere at all - I wouldn't bother) in your title page, not your first slug.

Your description paragraphs are too long. In my opinion (and others disagree) there's nothing wrong with long period w/o dialgoue, but the paragraphs need to be much shorter to aid reading.

You have a character, Anabell, who is not formally introduced or described as far as I saw.

I can't get much further than a few pages in. I don't know these people and the description is really making it hard to get through. You clearly have a way with words and if you had some more time to work on this, it would be a great script I hope you keep trying.


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