drEamScape by Luke Mepham - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A Young Woman strolls along a seemingly hedonistic beach and spots an attractive Young Man. But there's something not quite right about this experience. 4 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

I didn't get where you were going with this and as strange as it seems to say, I thought it was too long at 3 pages. Nothing really happens.

There are other issues, but if you have no story you have nothing. Did I miss something?

I'll concur, this has some issues...

It almost feels like a memory seeking validity... a memory that the writer has but, they're not sure why it's there.

Check out 'Dreamscape' (1984):  A young psychic on the run from himself is recruited by a government agency experimenting with the use of the dream-sharing technology and is given the inverse task of planting an idea into the mind of the U.S. president.

Nolan tried to resurrect this concept with 'Inception' but, the shadow ops (scientists involved) were buried too deep within the story to make any credible connection.

The initial concept was born out of the 'Montauk Project/Chair' and, victims of the project that frequently experience a bleed through of their repressed memories. This comes across as such, however, it's as confusing as the notion of sentient A.I. itself.

... best of luck.

Wow, dreamscape was 1984!?! If I recall, that was one of the first movies tagged with PG-13 rating.

Some notes.

Problems, problems.  

In first scene, white stones 'sit', not 'sits'.

in second scene, 'lonely' is tough to film.  Give her an action?  photo? letter?

And we get back to the lab where we find it's all simulation of some kind with an android.  OK.  Sorry, can't get into this one.

Best
Richard

L,
okay.  Why? Where are you going?  Help!  You need more here, I think.

JJ